Funniest Thing That Ever Happened While Sailing

I thought we could all use a few good laughs!
ONE of the funniest things that ever happened to us was a few years ago. We brought some sailing virgins with us, and the wife was terribly afraid of everything. The water,raising the sails,getting into the dink...EVERYTHING! Finally, during the second week she began to relax and was enjoying herself. One evening we were all sitting in the cockpit having cocktails and telling stories listening to music. All of a sudden a flying fish flew up and smacked HER upside the head! Of all the people on the boat! I laughed so hard I think I bust something. And no, she has never come back to the islands! <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/jester.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/jester.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/jester.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/jester.gif" alt="" />

That is a good one!

Several years ago when underwater lights were new to most of a us. A large MEGA yacht took up station in the open water outside of the the BEYC mooring field. This yacht was BIG with BIG BRIGHT lights above and below the water. A group of dinghies gathered around the yacht to admire the show below and above the water. Interesting quiet peaceful time after dinner on the water.

The captain had watches standing on the bow,stern and even one out on the toys.

Out of the dark when can all head a loud talking dinghy plowing through the water. Into the lights a FULLY loaded dinghy crammed with large loud talking folks coming from somewhere and headed somewhere. The dinghy steers close aboard the stern of the yacht. The watch on the stern attempts to warn the dinghy crew that he has lines out. No Joy! his words and arm motions only bring the dingy closer to the MEGA yacht stern. The painter attached to the toy with the crew member standing toy watch hangs up on the dinghy. The dinghy has no idea and keeps steaming ahead arguing with crew on the stern. The toy launches forward and is pulled into the dinghy. Crash! The dinghy group does not even see it coming. The think they have been rammed by the rich man and his toys. Profanity and swinging commences. The crew on the toy is higher, fit and sober...

Most of the dinghy crew ends up in the water. The few on the dinghy are standing and screaming profanities.. The large spectator fleet is speechless for a least a while. The mega yacht goes into all hands security drill.

Finally someone in the spectator fleet gets one of the hapless dinghy group into his dinghy and convinces/educates/ learns him on what just happens.

Somehow the overloaded(in more ways then one) dinghy crew gather themselves. Get into the dink. Get themselves free of the painters and just disappears dripping into the dark.

Much of the yacht crew mustered in silence on the stern with some more very bright lights shinning on the hapless bunch.

When the dinghy motored off the yacht crew went about sorting the mess in silence.

Some of the funniest situations involve comeupance. Had a great evening laughing at Tony Snell's antics at the Last Resort except for one loud heckler. Irritated everyone in the room. After the show we were all walking out the dock to our dinghys as he pushed past and hopped into his dinghy, roared around the end of the dock and headed north. I yelled to watch out for the reef. He yelled back "What damned ree"... WHANG! Not one of us went to help as he slowly paddled himself back to his boat with his single bladed prop. <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Grin.gif" alt="" />

The first time we took my brother and his wife was around 1988. My SIL wanted to know and learn everything. For Christmas the year before the trip we bought them a book on general sailing and knots etc.. The whole flight down she was driving Tim mad with questions about this and that. We got to the boat and started out of Road Town harbor. Tim shut of the engine and started to kind of wander around looking at stuff. He picked up a sheet and kind of jiggled it and tugged on it, then said " I wonder what this one does?" The look on my SIL's face was sheer panic, she said "I thought you knew what the [censored] you were doing!!" WTF are you trying to kill all of us!!" At that point Tim and I were just uncontrollably belly laughing, Tim in his best sailor style raise the main and unfurled the jib and in a matter of about 2 minutes we were screaming out of RoadTown, heeled over and taking no prisoners. She asked Tim in a very calm voice, "so I read the boat is suppose to tip to the side when you are doing it right. I take it back your not an A$sho*e. Then he asked her to tie a dragon bowline. She searched the book for an hour trying to find it. Only to prove that Tim really can be an a$sho!e.

<img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/jester.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/jester.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/jester.gif" alt="" />

While anchored in the Bight, my biz partner's wife decided to snorkel around the boat. She screamed through the snorkel and beat a hasty retreat aboard - claiming that there was a big barracuda under the boat. To her dismay I promptly donned my mask and flippers and jumped in to look at it. <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/jester.gif" alt="" />

I'm gonna use that Dragon Bowline trick on my cub-scout son.

So there we were....rookies to the VI but charter vets of 10+ years...we have been ashore once this day , now showered and changed and headed back in to dinner...and all the way to the beach All I hear is whining about getting wet (again). So I am going to get some speed, kill and tilt the Motor and smoothly pivot on the tubes on the dink , sending my legs overboard and pull us up on the beach....everyone is dry and happy.....as I execute the spin on one cheek part of the maneuver, another gent jumps put and yanks the dink out from Under me....and everyone stays dry...but me. The veteran captain is the ONLY on who is wet. We laughed for days!

1st time in 2007, we had a sleepaboard and hired a captain. The charter company sent us a bio of a handsome bronzed, strapping South African. Man the wives were excitied. First morning at the marina we're showering and shaving and this haggard dirty looking salty old dog comes in and starts splashing cold water all over himself. He says out loud to no one in particular, "Oh man I gotta shake this hangover off and ferry some VIPs all over the islands." My brother and I go back to the boat and sure enough you know who comes walking our way down the quay. We're saying "Holy Ship" and praying that he keeps on movin' on. To our dismay he steps onboard and introduces himself, he doesn't even remember talking to us 15 minutes ago! This guy may have been young and strapping once but he was niether anymore. Anyway we made the best of it, had a lot of laughs and stories to tell. Got back to the States and learned to sail. No more hired captains.
I hope he's still alive and healthy but I wouldn't bet my money on it.

Many years ago on a charter trip to one of the remote bases of CSY on one of their luxury at the time CSY 44's. 3 unmarried guys and their dates or girlfriend of the time.

One boat veteran decides to bring a higher maintenance girlfriend for the trip. Poor girl is new to the group and everything about travel the trip. Her date never checks and can carry his bag under his arm on most excursions. Somehow she was convinced to leave behind the blow dryer, curling irons, lighted travel makeup mirror and a host of other must have to her items... there will be no space on the boat and no electricity anyway. The last flight leg to the island was on DC-3 with rope seat belts. One guy had a small outboard as carry on.

We land in paradise CSY meets us with an old truck or van and take us on a great to all but one ride over the mountain and to the base. Beer, Rums who knows what most of us where drinking. The new girlfriend has road dust in her hair, mouth and on her makeup job. Miserable and scared to death. There was not internet back then to Google things out. She is convinced we are being kidnaped into the rain forest for whatever kidnappers do. The rest of us are having a ball at some expense to new date.

We hit the base and dinner is already ready. No, you do not order they just served what is cooked.... More fun had by at least some.

Finally back to the two cabin boat where we will rotate the couple without the cabin for the night.

New date is mad at all of us. MAD and miserable!

In silence she goes through the near dark CSY 44.... Until she discovers a 110 outlet. New Girlfriend starts screaming and cursing about our lying tricks to keep her life support grooming accessories at home! Demanded for days we find a store where she could buy a blowdryer and curly iron.

For many years I gave glider rides and aerobatic rides and would always try to talk to my guests before the flights to explain what was going to happen. Sometimes, if the vibes were right, I'd strap into my seat after the passenger or passengers were in the plane and then as part of my pre-flight open and shake the dive brakes / spoilers and mumble to myself "What does THIS thing do?". It usually worked well, but one time I had 2 guests release their harnesses in absolute terror and panic and jump out of the plane. They absolutely refused to get back in and we had to change pilots for that ride; since then I didn't play that joke all that much anymore...

Another flying fish story...

On a trip from NYC to Martinique just south of the BVI's on a Paul Luke 85' center cockpit (with a really big bulwark) .
Dog watch 5 am. Newby at he helm, cruising with kite, we all awoke to a tremendous scream from the (nudist) helmsman. Find him lying on the sole after being hit straight in the nu*s by a flying fish easily 12" long. We dragged him below to his berth in the forepeak. He woke in the morning to find the fish hanging above his bunk staring at him an inch from his nose, even more screaming! He became a great friend and a lifelong sailor...

Wasn't the least bit funny at the time when I was truly wondering if my DH was alive, drowning or just plain drowned... couldn't find him, couldn't see him, didn't know where he was and he wasn't yelling for help. Years have mellowed the experience and now we do see the humor, although there is a bit of a cautionary tale in the telling....

At Anegada on a mooring ball, DH got up very early to enjoy a little private morning skinny dip. As he didn't want to make much noise, or call attention to his intention, he gently lowered the swim ladder to get in the water with no splash.

Unfortunately, the next to last step of swim ladder broke as he stepped on it, he lost his footing, there was a bang that echoed through the hull, and well, OOOPS the rest of us woke up sharply wondering WTH just happened???

We all pounded up on deck to see what was up, but there was nothing to see, just no D. We called, we yelled, we circled the deck, we raised enough noise that others on other boats appeared on their decks and we all came to understand that we had a MOB, but couldn't SEE the MOB location despite being on a ball in a small mooring field in glass calm water no more than 7' deep with every pebble on the bottom clearly visible.

As dinghy motors sputtered to life ( ours and others) I headed to the bow of our boat, trying for some calm in the midst of WTF'ery.

Yeah, well, there is D hanging on the mooring ball, his bald head shining white just like the mooring ball, looking at me with his eyes big as silver dollars, holding a finger to his lips saying shhhhh just please grab my swim trunks out of the aft head and toss them to me... then you can call everyone off, I'm good to get back to the stern but I'm nekkid right now and really don't want to be.

He was bleeding pretty well from his left shin, where the ladder step cut him, had a good goose egg on his left elbow and another over his left eye ( whether he hit the ladder or the transom matters not) and he didn't need any more than some bandaids, pressure, ice and Caribs.

Funny now, but holy crap that was about 20 minutes of my life I'll never forget.

Breeze

Yikes....like you said, funny now...not so funny then. Glad he wasn't knocked-out when the ladder broke and he hit his melon. That could have been bad.

I have a rule onboard, someone always has to know if there is someone in the water...even for a quick dip.

Back in the '80s, early in our cruising career and before we had GPS with anchor alarms, I would get up a couple of times a night during a night to take bearings on nearby landmarks to see if we were dragging anchor. So one night my wife got up at about 2am for a head-call, so after laying there for a few seconds gathering my wits I decided to go topsides and check my landmarks with the compass. Of course my wife didn't know this since she was in the head.

About the time she came out of the head I started to go below and appeared in the gangway with the full moon behind me.

She shrieked and shrieked uncontrollably - yelling my name and saying there was a strange man aboard. Of course I spun around and looked behind me ready to pounce, not thinking that the strange man was actually me!

After things calmed down we laughed and laughed about it. Still do.

3AM anchored in Great Harbor and the wind picks up. I feel it in my bunk and decide to go check the anchor. It is pitch black dark so I go on deck au naturel, feel the road and it is not dragging but I decide to pay out a little more chain just for insurance. I am on my knees with my head in the chain locker replacing the windlass pendant when my posterior is illuminated by a million candle power light from the next boat over.

Two days later we are in Myette's and introduce ourselves to another couple. When I mentioned which boat we were on the wife gives me a big hug and says "I really like your sleepwear!"

HAHAHAHA! These are wonderful stories, all of them!

Here's my contribution:

We had just completed a 13 month rebuild of our Alden ketch, and sailed her to the BVI to begin chartering. Our first charter was a freebie...arranged by a prestigious broker: one of the editors of Yachting magazine and her daughter and boyfriend. They promised (and indeed delivered) to write a feature piece about us in the magazine.

Doing my best to impress, I decided to sail off of my mooring in Soper's Hole on the first morning of our charter. Quite unused to sailing a ketch in tight quarters, I realized very quickly that my headsails (a small jib and staysail) wouldn't compensate for my huge mizzen. Thank God I hadn't yet raised the mainsail. I was just a bit slow in coming around when jibing my way out of the harbor.

A German couple (I knew that because of the subsequent screaming) were sunbathing nude on the foredeck of a CSY 44 bareboat. My bowsprit was aimed right at them, like a huge spear. They grabbed their towels to cover their privates and ran screaming to the stern. My boat finally responded and I cleared the CSY, but managed to snag their dinghy engine on my dolphin-striker (the stay that supports the bowsprit from underneath). It wrenched the engine off the dinghy and into the drink.

No one on board our boat, except me, noticed that anything was wrong, or that I was very close to crapping my pants. So I told my wife (who had never sailed a day in her life) to 'head the boat up the channel' - I needed to attend to something back in Soper's Hole.

I hopped in the Whaler, returned to the scene of the crime, and did my best to apologize. I stuffed $300 into a cupholder in the cockpit, along with my business card. The German couple were still quite naked and huddled together in the cockpit under their towels, like frightened villagers at Normandy. I raced back to my boat, which my wife managed to steer quite aptly, to the curious inquiries of all on board. "Oh, just some paperwork I forgot" was my reply.

Dodged my first bullet of the week, but not my last!

It was about 3:00 or 4:00am when my mom (well into her 80s at the time)awakens my sister. "There are two black guys on the boat sitting in the cockpit!! I think they are here to collect the mooring fees" After a bit of panic and further investigation it was found that the "two black guys" were the tops of the two compasses at the helm stations.

Hahahhaaaaaaa!
Here is another! I am loving this!
A few years ago my husband and I were in the bight and planned to have dinner at Pirates. We kinda dressed up, me in a cute sun dress and he in a really cool camp shirt. We dink over to the dock and as he was tying off he fell over into the water! (It must have been that 5th vodka and orange) He was soaking wet so I told him to let me go in and sit down for our reservation and he could go back to the boat and change and meet me back there. 45 minutes goes by and still no husband. Just about that time, here he comes, still soaking wet. HE COULDN'T FIND OUR BOAT!!!! I made him eat wet, and needless to say, I drove the dink back after dinner. Just another day! <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/jester.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/jester.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/jester.gif" alt="" />

Hubby and I pulled into Cane Garden Bay a few years back for the music festival. Found a prime spot up front. I had the dink cleated off midship with a fairly long painter. Hubby drops the anchor from the flybridge control. We drift back waiting for the anchor to grab. Waiting... waiting... I finally go down to the foredeck to see what's up, only to find the anchor and about 80 feet of chain sitting in the dinghy. Doh! <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/duh.gif" alt="" />

"Honey...it's the white boat with the blue sailcover!"

On our first charter our friend was getting the BBQ ready for dinner. He was spinning the round grill surface off so we could pour the charcoal in. It was taking a while to spin off, so he gave it his best "wheel of fortune" spin when off it came, straight to the bottom. After the initial panic and the holy craps, what is the moorings gonna charge us for thats, we took the rack out of the oven and improvised. The next morning, he drives the dink over to our anchored neighbor (we could see scuba tanks on deck) and asks to borrow a tank so he could dive the grill. We had dropped anchor in 10ft, but after paying out our rhode, we had 30ft under us. The guy came over and dove it himself and rescued the grill. To make matters worse, we kept seeing the guy at every anchorage the rest of the week.

A couple of years ago our crew had finished preparations for pushing-off the Voyage Charter dock at Soper's Hole when we noticed a new group boarding the cat behind us. The ladies were wearing cocktail dresses and high heels and the whole group had drinks in their hands and a cigarette in their lips. (It was morning on the fuel dock) While we were watching with a WTF look on our faces, Kimo passes by and calmly asks if I have any questions, because he doesn't have time to give us a briefing. He said his hands would be full for the next several hours with the boat and crew in mention. I was familiar with the boat and responded we were good to go. Raine helped us out the slip and put us on our way. I have no idea what ever happened to the other boat and crew, as we never saw them during the week and neglected to ask Kimo when we returned.

Does anyone know where the link is to the VISAR report where the mom woke up to find her 14 years baby old boy missing at O dark 30?

VISAR and the Dinghy Armada responded to the screams on VHF and across the anchorage before dawn.

With the search in progress. Another female jumps on the VHF with new howls and cries of a strange naked man in her aft cabin!

VISAR returned to base from the boats on moorings near Willy T's. Case solved and 14 years safe.... for the moment at least.

At Cane Garden Bay my son and I dink back to the boat to get some towels and others essentials for the beach. We are in the very back of the mooring field. As we're down below we keep hearing strange noises coming from outside. We step into the cockpit and right behind our boat is a horse swimming past with a trainer holding his bridle. The horse was not happy, but for my 7 year old, he got some great pics of a horse cruising past our boat. Strangest thing we have ever seen while on a trip.

Are you sure that wasn't a drunk donkey? Coming from Bellemey Key?

We once wrapped a Sunfish around the keel while racing, confirmed it with a view through the kelp window in the bilge, we had a kite up so we purposely broached which shook the huge fish that is shaped like a trash can lid off.

It was funny but betting it was not a good day for the fish.

Our first BVI charter we woke up on anchor in White Bay to a local with dreds in a dinghy saying "hey mon, here is your dink", I said, nah, ours is right back, uh whoa!

Turns out it was not secured very well after our first trip to Soggy Dollar and washed up on the beach, that was Seddy, least we could do is go ashore and have some Bloody Mary's at his place...well, we had many and not sure how far we sailed that day.

Kevin is not logged in but this is wife Michele. We had a friend bring his girlfriend along on a trip. While on Anegada in the taxi from Loblolly Bay she wanted to stop at the "mall" in the settlement. Not sure who told her there was a mall but the other passengers in the taxi were stunned at the request. Hate to pick on people but we do retell the story whenever we go to Anegada.

We made our way up to the Bitter End and were cooking aboard for the first time on this particular trip. 4 men in the cockpit to handle cooking on fire and 3 women below deck preparing sides and salads.

The grill is set and ready to go...on go the 7 beautiful bacon-wrapped filets.
As if in slow motion, due to the fact that the clamp holding the grill to the sternrail was just a little to small for the size of the rail, the grill slowly rotates down. The surgeon on board jumps to grab the hot grill to save the filets and is about tackled by another crew member to save his hand.
We then hear the seven simultaneous splashes as the filets go into the drink.

The 3 unmarried men jump into the dink to stop at the soon closing Emporium and left the married guy to break it to the women.
Bought seven more frozen filets which they were nice enough to thaw in the microwave at the bar. Back to the boat.

One of the guys was a fisherman and had a spool of steel leader. We used that to secure the back of the grill to the bimini support rail, fired it back up again and got dinner cooked.
Turns out the married guy didn't tell the women until dinner was done that night. At least one of the women thought she heard sharks bumping the hull overnight looking for seconds.

Many choice cuts of beef have been sacrificed to Neptune on the alter of the Magma kettle. <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/jester.gif" alt="" />

I am laughing so hard I think I bust something! <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Banana.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Clapping.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/jester.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/jester.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Clapping.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Banana.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/jester.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/jester.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Banana.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Banana.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Banana.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Clapping.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Clapping.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Clapping.gif" alt="" />

Tied up in Spanishtown in the 1980's we saw a lobster fisherman come in with a load.
He had a cockroach looking thing in there with the spiny lobsters - turned out to be a shovelnose lobby.
He said they were good, and I offered to buy it.
He said he would give it to me - that way he could have burger tonight!

The next night on the hook I split the tail in half and grilled it up for Barb and I.
Well... Half of it got flipped into the water. I was gonna jump in and grab it but Barb said no, and in my indecision it slowly wafted out of site.
I was heart-broken.
She shared her half with me, two bites each, and we filled up on side dishes as best we could.
That's when I learned (the hard way) to alway turn the meat towards the center of these tiny grills!

Okay...

This isn't really something that happened while sailing....well, maybe it did.

Last year on One Love with Tradewinds and Mrs. Tradewinds, we lost almost all of the water we had left on the boat due to a broken shower hose....we get to the Bight and realize what has happened. Chris (Tradewinds) gets on the VHF

Chris: Blue Moon, Blue Moon, One Love
Capt. Jim: One Love,BlueMoon
They switch channels.....
Chris: We lost all the water in our tanks - shower hose came off
Jim: Do you have beer?
Chris: Yes
Jim: Then I don't see a problem.
Chris: I have women on board who need to shower.
Jim: Still don't see a problem.

<img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/jester.gif" alt="" />

They didn't tell us that story before we rafted up with them to transfer water from our tanks to theirs. Guess we should have asked for some beer or women in exchange!

We had no water worries since it was the end of our trip and we were headed back to Yacht Haven Grande. The water maker had topped off our tanks the night before.

One of the funniest stories I recall is with some rookie sailors in Belize on my very first trip there. My now brother-in-law and another friend were sharing the head on the port side of the boat. I had briefed them on using the head, but apparently not on using the shower.

Turns out they finally pulled me aside to ask what do do with all of the shower water in the head as it was just about an inch from spilling into the companionway. I remember asking both of them about the button by the sink to pump out the water, to which Rob replied, "I pressed that button, but the noise was too scary, so I stopped."

love it! <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Laugh.gif" alt="" /> Capt Jim rocks

It was a lot funnier after I figured out it was the hose and that we weren't taking on water. <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Yikes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Grin.gif" alt="" />
Catatonic to the rescue!

While on our first charter as a family we tied upon a ball in CGB. we found a great spot right behind a large moorings mono near the pier with 4-5 European mid 50's guys all having a grand time. They enjoyed cocktails well into the evening and then disappeared on shore for the evening.

The next morning we were awake fairly early due to my six month old nephew screaming his head off and we all slowly make our way up into the galley for a cup of coffee. Apparently all at the same time we turn to look out the front windows to see the old men lined up on the stern of their boat after a morning swim and their morning shower... We all spray our coffee across the galley as they all shed their suits and pass the spray nozzle around the group to rinse off.

Now not to ruin the surprise, we ask one of the rookies on board to jump in the dink and go for ice... She jumps in the dink oblivious to the show going on up front, powers up the dink and scoots around the boat and about falls in when all the guys start to wave...

The boat they were on was named "Banana"... No freaking joke! <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Banana.gif" alt="" />

Still joke about that one on every charter and every time in CGB!

Along those lines: We were leaving the mooring field at Marina Cay heading for our next stop when we passed a boat full of Frenchies that were out on deck futzing with the sailcover.....all butt-naked. My buddy looks at me and says "Either that lady is naked or she has Buckwheat in a headlock." Almost fell overboard laughing.

What is it with Marina Cay. We took our son when he was 9 yrs old. Coming into Marina Cay we picked up the morning ball he was pointing at. Got secured, went below to open up and heard father and son in a discussion about the polite thing to do when the boatload of frenchies on the next buoy came out topless. Tim had him swabbing the starboard deck three times. I think after that the thrill was gone.

This is the funniest thread EVER! <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/jester.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/jester.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/jester.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Banana.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Banana.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Banana.gif" alt="" />

Ok, so one more... you can file this one under the heading "we can laugh about this now since nobody died and it happened 30 years ago"... almost to this day.

Barb and I were still just dating, and I was introducing her to sailing. We'd sailed my fathers Watkins 23 sloop many times on the Potomac River near Washington DC. So she'd started to develop a comfort level with it.

I was doing a job in Little Creek VA, and convinced her to come down for the weekend since I was in a hotel there.

So they had Hobie 16's on the beach to rent near Lynhaven Inlet, and I hadn't killed her yet, so she foolishly agreed to go sailing with me. The wind was up that day.

I can't remember if I actually told her that this was my first experience at the helm of a Hobie 16. I'd sailed everything from a 14 foot sunfish to a 300 ton schooner, so how hard could this be? <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Blush.gif" alt="" />


We sailed waaaaaay out to the bridge-tunnel opening, managed to tack her around and went screaming back to the beach sometimes flying one hull. We were honkin!

Eventually we had to tack again, but we just couldn't get the boat around, so we decided to jibe. Bad idea.

When we tried to jibe the port hull dug in and the Hobie 16 went over in slow motion. Barb sailed past the boom and landed straddled on the opposite pontoon. Serious pain, grapefruit sized bruise. I went past the boom and leeward pontoon and face-first into the water.

The hobie turned turtle.
We tried mightily but could not right her.
(I was not smart enough to blow the sheets back then.)

Fortunately the wind was blowing on-shore and we got blown into a swim area.

A swimmer grabbed the top of the mast and held it up while we assumed the position. (well, I did).

The Hobie righted and in the blink of an eye off we went at about 15 knots, and almost flying one hull. I say we... except when I looked around Barb was not in view!

Then I heard her yelling! I looked back and she was holding on for dear life to the aft pipe between the hulls and yelling at me at the top of her lungs to "stop this effing thing!!!" This vision of her body-surfing back there was awe-inspiring. Oh to have had a video camera at that moment! <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Laugh.gif" alt="" /> We can laugh about this now.

Sadly, the sheets were on the leeward side and every time I tried to inch down there to grab the main-sheet the boat would fly up on one hull and threatened to capsize. I could not hold the tiller AND reach the main sheet.

After several seconds of this I looked back at Barb body surfing along and she gave me me a look that said "If I live through this I'm gonna kill you!" <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Hairy.gif" alt="" />

Finally it occurred to me that if I headed up I might just have a couple of seconds to dive for the main sheet and pop it out of the cleat before we bore off and capsized. This plan worked and so we came to rest.

We managed to get the boat back to shore after a few more tense minutes.

You can well imagine how the rest of the day went.

However, she still married me... 25 years ago come October!

<img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/jester.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/jester.gif" alt="" /> I have great pics of Piper heading up the mast on that transfer!

I can't believe we didn't tell you that story, Dirk! <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Laugh.gif" alt="" />

I love the pump story - that is hilarious....

While sailing on a brisk winter night out of Des Moines Harbor in Washington State we decided to head to our favorite watering hole at the Tides Tavern in Gig Harbor, while approaching the dock we found that the jib sheet had froze to the winch as did the main. No problem, we were going slow, but my buddy and I devised a great plan to where he just steps off the side with the stern line in hand, takes a wrap and problem solved, we approach, get lined up, my buddy springs into action unaware of all the ice on the dock and proceeds to slide all the way across and into the drink, but at least he caught the cleat on the way. Neither of us noticed the crowd gathering on the deck which gave us a standing ovation, and a couple of free hot toddies....

A few years ago we were moored in the Bight, this was around the time when there were reports of boats being boarded at night, with things being stolen. I woke to a noise of footsteps in the cockpit. I woke my husband up and told him that someone was on our boat. My husband jumped out of bed and ran into the galley (we were on a cat), out in the cockpit he saw another of our shipmates with his wifes bra on his head doing the victory dance…LOL. Imagine 2 men, both wearing their birthdate suits, standing 10 feet apart, they both were in shock. My husband came back to bed and said “You are not going to believe what I just saw, I will never get that out of my head”. Our shipmates last name is “Stark” we now call him “Stark a** naked”

Heading to Great Harbor one night many years ago from White Bay in the dink. I insisted that we use a flashlight, but my husband refused saying that he didn't want to shine light into the faces of other sailors. He had had a really good time at The Soggy all day, so he wasn't thinking correctly.. One of our crew was deathly afraid of the water. Rounding the curve into the harbor we rammed a huge rock. Our guest about died. My husband said, "oh hell, it's a rubber boat!" meaning nothing was hurt. Every time we sail by that rock we all say in unison, "OH HELL! IT'S A RUBBER BOAT"!

Have had some really memorable and funny experiences sailing and racing through the years.

About 5 years ago we were sailing J120 Blew Bayou in the Newport Ensenada Race, it was probably about 3:00 AM and realy dark and winds light with flat seas, we had a chute up and were toying with a couple boats with crews we knew that were behind us, we were slowly building up layers of TP over our stern light so they would think we were pulling away from them, they were constantly adjusting and doing sail cahnges while we just limed.
I spotted a white light that we were closing on quickly, thought it may be another competitor with bare poles and possibly in trouble so we changed course a bit and sail toward to investigate.

As we passed it we all immediatly got the chills and turned white, it was the light atop a periscope on a submarine!! We figured it may have been a US Navy Nuke that heard and knew we were aproaching, coulda been a drug smuggling sub as well, freaked us out bigtime! <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Yikes.gif" alt="" />

We marked the spot as a MOB on our GPS and started removing the TP from our stern light and made a radio announcement with the GPS location of the sub so others could avoid it.

We decided a round of beers were in order. <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Groovin.gif" alt="" />

We arrive at Cooper Island around 1PM and decide to grill burgers and hotdogs. One of the hotdogs rolls off of the grill and into the water where a very large barracuda swallows it in one bite. The barracuda, having had a tasty treat now hangs around our boat for the rest of the day, and even though we're very close to the beach, nobody goes swimming!

OMG Walt that is hilarious and VERY reminiscent of a few of my experiences with Rex on his Hobie! the funniest was when we were hiked out (he was at helm) and my feet slipped and like a wrecking ball I launched him and myself off the back, in the meantime the boat is sailing along with the two of dragging behind, he managed to climb back on but it was the same deal, boat hauling [censored] and me dragging in the water behind with no arm strength to pull myself up until he put the main sheet and the rudder in one hand and reached over and yanked me up with the other by the back of my lifejacket like a little kid LOL

I sailed my cousin's Laser once (without him aboard).... Wind was blowing hard parallel to shore so I headed directly out for maybe a mile. The time came to tack and over we went. Each time I righted the boat and got back in we'd catch the wind and go over again. It went like this for maybe 10 capsizes before I finally regained control and got back to shore. It wasn't too funny at the time! I was used to a Highlander or Albacore or Flying Scot -- a Laser is much more unforgiving!

That reminded me of my first time windsurfing.

My dad and I got windsurfers and went to use them for the first time. We had never done it before and seemed to have no issue. That was until we decided to head back to shore where we started. All we did so far was go across the pond from one side to the other - it was when we went to turn around that we realized we had no idea how to steer <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Grin.gif" alt="" />

We ended up breaking down the windsurfer and paddled our way back. Took a land lesson once and after that had no problems ever again.

I look back and laugh on it now, but it was not fun paddling back - it was a pain, but at least it was a small pond.

Saw this at Nanny Cay a few weeks ago. I liked the home port name. Same boat?

Nah, that's a cat, we were on a J 120 which is a 40' mono. <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Groovin.gif" alt="" />

We had quite a following at several yacht clubs, the bartenders had BB shot glasses we gave them and others would even order our trademark Blew Bayou! <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/toast.gif" alt="" />

Classic ATC conversation:
Approach: The traffic at 9 o'clock's gonna do a little Linda Ronstadt on you.
Single engine pilot: Say again, Linda Ronstadt? What's that?
Approach: Well, sir, they're gonna "Blue Bayou".

Hey, I wonder if that is Don Henleys boat? He is from Uncertain Texas. Uncertain is a tiny little town off of Lake Caddo in Texas. You can go into the swamps there and never come out.

Unfortunately...I have a list, and a wall of shame to back it up...

1. So, you might have all heard the "Buried Treasure" at CGB ,story?

2. The there is the 3B's not good...Blue Toenails,Birkenstocks,Board Meeting, story?

3. Shang-highing the "sold everything, quit our jobs, going to make cheese"..English couple, story?

4. My daughters lesson on "Dolphins don't eat people, they just like country music, story?

5. Linda flying over the mast, me through the sail, story?

And yes, as an added bonus, once I figure out how to post pictures, I can further humiliate myself!!! As there are cool pictures for each.

There was the time my teenaged daughters (about 17-18) decided to stay at Foxy's because it was only 10 pm and Mom and Dad were tired. We said ok, because they are very self sufficient and responsible. (They said) I awoke at 3 am and still no girls. I paced the deck and didn't know whether or not to go knocking on everyone's boat. I was frantic. All of a sudden here comes one of those super dinghies racing over from a huge mega yacht. The captain let them out and they had a basket of goodies. Cake, snacks, fruit, etc. This was about the time that Johnny Depp was filming Pirates of the Caribbean. They told me that Johnny's crew (women included) had invited them back to the boat to have a good time. They said that Johnny himself never spoke to them, but was watching Animal Planet on tv. They said that their yacht was the other big one anchored outside of the harbor. They said that their dad was Paul Mitchell. (true, but not THAT Paul Mitchell!) When the dinghy captain offered to take them home they said yes please, but whispered that their real boat was the 40' monohull in the middle of the mooring field. He laughed and brought them home with a basket full of goodies I was waiting on the deck and I was SO ANGRY! I made them immediately swab the entire deck on their hands and knees, and scrub all of the windows. About 45 minutes later here comes the yacht sailing right by us. They kept their heads way down, and I was laughing my arse off, as the crew was waving and saying goodbye to them.

OH. They just told me LAST YEAR that Johnny Depp wasn't on the boat but they thought they would be in less trouble if they said it! They are both 28 now!