SXM Group Facebook Humor

SXM Naturism Facebook Group...

They said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store...
They lied, Everybody else had clothes on!

SXM Simply SXM Facebook Group...

Putting a drink in each room of my house today and calling it a Pub Crawl.

And this is the same thing making the way around about every facebook page out there. SXM related or not.

And since this is not directly related to SXM, it is going to People Talk to not take up space here for more important issues. It may have come from a SXM group but as I stated, it has been making the rounds for several days.
Thanks.

HaHaHa. Saw it on Facebook a couple days ago. Made me chuckle.

This love song was cute...

https://youtu.be/-6KbS9y2KnI

Ok.

https://onmilwaukee.com/buzz/articles/coronavirus-morning-laugh-memes.html

so you have no sense of humor...delete

Quite the contrary. I do have a sense of humor.

Saw this on Facebook.
"Heard a Dr. on TV saying in this time of Coronavirus staying at home we should focus on inner peace. To achieve this we should always finish things we start and we all could use more calm in our lives. I looked through my house to find things i'd started and hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiumun srciptuns, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how feckin fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum. And two hash yer wands, stafe day avrybobby!!! "

Now, that did give me a little chuckle..

Today's Drink Special: The Quarantini. 🍸It's just a regular martini but you drink it all alone in your cabin.

Thought you might like a chuckle.
A baby can finish a bottle then go to sleep and they call it cute. If I was to drink a bottle and go to sleep I'd be called a drunk. Lol

I never thought the comment
"I wouldn't touch him/her with a 6 foot pole" would become a national policy, but here we are.

If you think it's bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people home schooled by day drinkers........

The Barefoot Contessa Quarantine

https://onmilwaukee.com/buzz/articles/coronavirus-morning-laugh-memes.html

Now, that was funny!!

Having some states locked down and others not locked down is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool!

Good one!!

I don't understand. Could you explain to me in detail?

Wendell

You think a rope divider might not work?

It's worth a try. Just hope the installers aren't beer drinkers.

Wendell

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

________________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....

_____________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...

________________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer.. Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

_____________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

________________________________

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back;
now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

_______________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......

______________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me

for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets

and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that

I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

And then the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........

________________________________

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

That's how the fight started.

________________________________

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
as a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.

Was going to pay for my online order and said select method of payment.
Credit card
PayPal
Toilet Paper

Eric had to go to Lowe's today to buy a new kitchen faucet, which just died. Coming home, was able to score paper towels AND toilet paper at Dollar General!! What is this world coming to, that this is a cause for celebration???

Put a couple of drinks in every room in the house. Now you can go bar hopping.😛

I'm thinking about coming out of retirement and becoming a full time inhouse bartender.

I was on a long line at 7:45 AM today at the supermarket that opened at 8 for seniors only.
A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.
He returned and tried to cut in again but an old guy punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.
As he approached the line for the third time he said "If you don't let me unlock the door, you'll never get in there."

KenNDeb--Hey, buddy, don't mess with us seniors!

LOL

Good one.

We are 11 days into self isolation and it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gaz ing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.

It breaks my heart to see her like this. I have thought very hard about how I can cheer her up.

I have even considered letting her in - but rules are rules.

👏👏😁😂

Wow, you really suckered me in on that one!!

I just want to put a little daily chuckle here to combat all the doom and gloom. Hope you're all in good spirits.

Scubaman--not sure ANYONE is in good spirits these days, but so far we are healthy at least.

Another one for you Carol.
I expect we can all relate to at least a couple.
Day 1 – I Can Do This!! Got enough food and wine to last a month!
Day 2 – Opening my 8th bottle of Wine. I fear wine supplies might not last!
Day 3 – Strawberries: Some have 210 seeds, some have 235 seeds. Who Knew??
Day 4 – 8:00PM. Removed my Day Pajamas and put on my Night Pajamas.
Day 5 – Today, I tried to make Hand Sanitizer. It came out as Jello Shots!!
Day 6 – I get to take the Garbage out. I’m So excited, I can’t decide what to wear.
Day 7 – Laughing way too much at my own jokes!!
Day 8 – Went to a new restaurant called “The Kitchen”. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have No clue how this place is still in business.
Day 9 – I put liquor bottles in every room. Tonight, I’m getting all dressed up and going Bar hopping.
Day 10 – Struck up a conversation with a Spider today. Seems nice. He’s a Web Designer.
Day 11 – Isolation is hard. I swear my fridge just said, “What the hell do you want now?”
Day 12 – I realized why dogs get so excited about something moving outside, going for walks or car rides. I think I just barked at a squirrel.
Day 13 – If you keep a glass of wine in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face.
Day 14 – Watched the birds fight over a worm. The Cardinals lead the Blue Jays 3–1.
Day 15 – Anybody else feel like they’ve cooked dinner about 395 times this month?

Yeah, I can almost relate to that one!

BREAKING NEWS
Wearing a mask indoors is now recommended to not only to prevent spreading Covid-19 but to stop eating.

OMG, love the laughs..thx!😂

Garbage man stuck a AA pamphlet on my recycle bin. No reason to be judgmental.😁