A little BVI hazing

Getting ready to head back to the BVI next month with a few newbies. Here are a few of my previous "newbie hazing" tricks. Something tells me, history will repeat itself.

Hazing #1 - I tell them the flushing system in the head is voice activated. You have to say "flush" and it will flush automatically. Sometimes, you have to say it two or three times/louder. I tell them if this doesn't work then you have to use the little pump. By day #2, you have people screaming in the head, "Flush you *#*@" - its pretty funny

#2 - I discuss how the dialects are different between American and BVI english. When we go into a restaurant, I tell the proper way to order food is start by saying "me want", ie, "me want ribs". Be careful, you get some pretty strange looks from restaurant staff.

#3 - This one makes the newbies really mad. On your first night out at anchor or mooring, you talk about how bad the mooring/anchor ropes may be chafed. It's important that everyone look out the port hole from time to time during the night to make sure the boat hasn't drifted off. "Next stop is West Africa!" (this got me in a lot of trouble with one of the wives who didn't sleep all night because she was looking out the porthole!)

Any others?

Since several boat parts have weird names(wench, boom-vang, et) anyway, I had fun with a few more. The grab handles that are 180 degrees, I named the half nipple. The ones that are 90 degrees, the quarter nipple. On the second to last day of the trip, one of the ladies slipped and then told us how thankful she was that she was able to grab the quarter nipple to avoid a fall. We had a pretty good laugh. She eventually thought it was funny too.

when you visit the Dogs... keep asking what that smell is... smells like updog. just keep saying until someone breaks down and asks What's updog? your reply is... nutin, whats up with you dog? <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/duh.gif" alt="" />

Let's not forget to be on the lookout for the line of demarcation in the water when sailing between St. John (USVI) and Tortola (BVI). Yup he actually was looking for it! LOL.

~map~

I love to pull the one Map mentioned. When sailing past St. John on the way to Norman you'll probably cross over the USVI/BVI boundary. Show it (the boundary) on the chart plotter to one of your noobs, and say to them, "If the weather and seas are right, you can see it painted on the bottom. Take a look over the side, see if you can spot it! I'll keep going back and forth across it until you can see it." See how long they'll look overboard for that magical line <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Banana.gif" alt="" />

Kneafsey was the first one I heard of pulling the "line on the bottom" stunt...another one..describe how they move the small islands behind the big ones when a hurricane is coming..get them to collect the different coloured waters from each stop..

You actually can see the line marking the USVI and BVI boarder. Post 9/11 when homeland security came into being it was important to mark the US Borders, so they are now broadcast via satellite. If you ever watch NFL football, they are using the same technology for the first down line. So if you get your mask on, we should cross the line in about 3 minutes, so just stick your face in the water.

Now seriously. You can see that line much more clearly after a night at the WillieT.

You could always tell them about the new "bridge" between USVI and BVI...it seems to have fooled many who read the article! <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Grin.gif" alt="" />

http://bvinews.com/new/build-a-sturdy-bridge-to-charlotte-amalie/

Or ask them if they know what altitude you are at?

Send them to the chandlery for a bucket of "Prop Wash". Helps the boat go faster.

First trip with my brother and his wife we motors to the outer Roadtown harbor and shut off the engine. Tim started fiddling with lines, sheets, etc. After a while he says "Huh wonder what this one does?" My sister in law just about lost it. She was sure she was going to die. He was watching the breeze fill in and released the jib to full in just a few seconds, a thing of beauty we were heeled over an underway.

Last sailing charter, my husband taught the 2 guys on our trip how to hoist the main - by hand. A few days later he showed them the electric winch. :-)

Back in the 80's, the first mate and I worked as crew for the Moorings. We loved the job and our guests. But we'd often get the same questions (week after week) from our guests, especially from first-timers, so I decided to have a little fun. For example:

Someone would notice the smoke rising from the behind Pockwood Pond. "What's that smoke?", they'd ask, while we were sailing up the channel. I started telling them "That's the West End steam train, and it's right on time too!". (I figured it was better than telling them that it was garbage burning at the dump.)

I got away with it for the almost two years. But then one cruise I was caught out. We happened to have a train buff aboard, and he got all excited. "A steam train", he said, "what kind? Must be narrow gauge!...We have to stop and check it out!". I sheepishly had to come clean.

Cap'n Kev

The Miami Tortola tunnel saves a lot of time. Laura, do you have the pass photo handy?

Not sure Captain Jay and the rest of the charter folks will back it, but how about this: after laying claim to your skipper's head, tell the newbies that only toilet paper and liquid waste should ever be flushed down the heads, and that all solid human waste needs to be deposited in the plastic-lined garbage bins conveniently situated next to the john.

How about telling them that the BVI customs and immigration people are very hard on first time visitors, so it is important to dress formally in business clothes on the travel days and bow as you approach them to show respect.

That's it. i'll try it next time

Had someone having a hard time understanding why the boat was facing exactly the opposite in the morning from when she went to bed until we explained that the rotation of the earth turns the islands around at night!
G

[color:"red"][/color]Tell them BVI C&I will only take forms completed in [color:"red"]RED[/color] for first time visitors.

<img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/jester.gif" alt="" />These are all frickin hilarious...

Rolling up two foil sticks and telling them that you have to calibrate the compass/gps. Before you push off they must take the sticks and walk down the pier until so all equipment must be calibrated.

I did this with our college visitors and it was hilarious.

SKelly

There are killing me! <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Laugh.gif" alt="" />

hahaha yes, still have a 2 or 3 left I'll have to update the 2017-2018 version!

The funniest one I've ever see is "Calibrating the radar."
The joke is even better if you don't have a radar.
Send the NOOB down the dock to shore with a cell phone. Tell them they need to walk around here and there while you track them with the radar so you can calibrate the range. Of course you can't quite get their signal, so have them reach up high with their arms, climb up on things, run around, whatever you can think of. If you get this far tell them to come back in because you just don't quite have enough signal. Send them back out with a roll of aluminum foil to hold up. Of course, that won't be enough signal either, so have them wrap their arms and body in foil and run around. Make sure somebody has a video camera going!

Laura, the people at Hertz MIA were not helpful with the map showing me where the tunnel entrance was. They looked at me like I was an idiot. They also weren't happy when I listed Toonces the driving cat as my extra driver.

Need a new one..my old 2014 is peeling off the Thing windshield and does not seem, to work anymore..got blocked at the Soper's Hole entrance the other day..idiot had no idea what I was talking about..

All of these are really good. Thanks for sharing. <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Thumbsup.gif" alt="" />

Really not trying to be a buzz kill here.
Just a reminder, these folks are newbees, not idiots.
These are people with lots of time on their hands to
come up with an appropriate response. Revenge
coupled with humiliation can be a great motivator.
Just a gentle reminder of what we all know about "pay backs".
Be prepared for shoe polish on the binoculars.

Mike

Twanger:

I couldn't remember what we were calibrating when we did this a few years ago <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/duh.gif" alt="" />but it was the radar as i got it from this great forum! Funniest thing ever watching these two college kids so excited to help calibrate and others watching from the docks!

HarleyK

Laura,

Will you have those on your website for sale??? I really, really need one.

I will revise the year and order some more stay tuned!!!
@ Mike K...Toonce the cat hahaha!! lol that's an oldie!!!

On the way back from the Bubbly Pool I told our friends "Do not look the goats right in the eyes". They were shielding their eyes and avoiding all eye contact. Later that night while on the boat one asked "so why can't we look at the goats?" They are still a little mad at me...

This is why it's so fun! Most newbies have never been able to travel this way and they are so excited about the moment but so unsure of what to expect. Puddy in your hands!!! My last newbies that are now veterans can't wait for the next trip of "newbies"! It's all great fun! <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/dine.gif" alt="" />

HarleyK

being a charter captain for years I met 'newbies' on almost every sail -- I would never consider the childish pranks mentioned so far - making people feel comfortable not foolish was my job.

We email everyone an itinerary for the upcoming sailing adventure with a rough draft of what islands we'll be visiting. As a prank, we declare Tuesday night as "speedo night". This makes for some nervous backdoor texts/emails from the newbies.

It's certainly different for you as being a "charter captain" it's your job and you work for the people on the boat. It would probably be inappropriate for you to consider any of the above.

For most of us it's family or our best of friends, so cutting up a little has always been part of the great experience. Our groups still talk about these trips being their best vacation experiences!

For those of you that do your own captaining, please carry on!!!! <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Clapping.gif" alt="" />

They key word there is the last one; "job"
Being a charter captain and operating in a professional manner, of course one would not pull pranks on their customers.
However, my crews are comprised of my friends... and usually people I've been friends with for years if not decades. We make fun of and prank each other incessantly. A little jovial, completely harmless "hazing" is to be expected. It's starting to be that the former noobs who had the pranks pulled on them are now the ones pulling those pranks on the true noobs. Plus, f'em if the can't take a joke <img src="http://www.traveltalkonline.com/forums/images/graemlins/Cheers.gif" alt="" />

Haven't laughed this hard in a long time. I have played similar "tricks" on my scuba students but they all took it with grace and humour. Can't wait to try out these for our next trip on the cat.

If you're going to go to the trouble of calibrating the RADAR, do it right! Wrap foil around the arms and legs (hat?) of the victim - much better signal this way. Give 'em a VHF and direct them on what to do on the dock

OK, here's a good one I just thought of... Due to sea and weather conditions, we need to counterbalance the boat... Need a volunteer for first shift to ride in the towed dinghy