Hi Meg,
I think Aruba would meet alot of the requirements that are imporant to you. We have visited SXM and AUA pretty regularly for the last 10 years....love both islands. As has been said previously, Aruba is a desert island and not as scenic as SXM. It does have one of the most beautiful beaches we've ever visited in Eagle Beach....just gorgeous. Plentyu of fine restaurants for the foodies. Ton of nightlife for those that like to gamble, dance, listen to music, etc. Aruba has a much safer feel to me than does SXM...by far. Very easy to get around the island whether you rent a car or use the bus/taxi system. Aruba is a very easy vacation. Love them both. Hope you give Aruba a try....I think you will like it.