To all of you that are so worried about the crime, I have an offer for you. Stay home and let me take your rental unit that you have paid for, I will take a copious amount of vacation pictures and forward them on to you and you can imagine your own wonderful vacation moments without the worry of crime. If this sounds good to anyone than please just PM me and we'll make the arrangements.

If you pay my bar tabs I'll even get little gnomes painted in your likeness and include them in the photographs.