Hi all, I found this on a local page for sailboat racing season. Thought some of you might find it amusing. I realize if there are two boats going in the same direction it is a race, so in case that happens you need to be in shape!<br><br>GET IN SHAPE FOR THE SAILING SEASON!!! <br>1. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. <br><br>2. Replace the closet door with a curtain. <br><br>3. Six hours after you go to sleep, have a friend whip open the curtain, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and mumble "your watch." <br><br>4. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your bathtub and move the shower head down to chest level. <br><br>5. Every time there's a thunderstorm, go sit in a wobbly rocking chair and rock as hard as you can until you're nauseous. <br><br>6. Buy a trash compactor and only use it once a week. Store up garbage in the other side of your bathtub. <br><br>7. Wake up at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread. (Optional: cold canned ravioli or soup). <br><br>8. Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night. When it goes off, jump out of bed and get dressed as fast as <br>you can, then run out into your yard and break out the garden hose. <br><br>9. Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for 5 or 6 hours before drinking. <br><br>10. Raise the thresholds and lower the top sills on your front and back doors so that you either trip over the threshold or hit your head on the sill every time you pass through one of them. <br><br>11. Every so often, throw your cat into the swimming pool, shout "Man Overboard", run into the kitchen and sweep all the pots/pans/dishes off the counter onto the floor, then yell at your spouse for not having the place "stowed for sea." <br> <br><br><br><br>

OHMYGOD I am going to explode! This is TOO funny<br><br>Helen<br><br>

12. Install reading lights under your coffee tables and go there to read.<br><br>13. Shorten 1/2 the legs on your kitchen table <br><br>14 Every 30 minutes while sleeping have someone shine a light in your face and say "sorry wrong berth".<br><br>15. Play the same CD over and over for 3 days<br><br>16. Turn the water pressure down real low on the house<br><br>17. Put all the frozen food in the refrigerator side<br><br>Mike Kneafsey<br>http://sailingthecaribbean.com<br>http://sailingthecaribbean.com/faqtt.htm

18. Buy one of those fancy, flexible shower hoses, plug half the hose and use it exclusively for a week.<br><br>19. Take any 2 pound piece of metal and drop it repeatedly on your feet until the pain subsides to a dull ache.<br><br>20. Place one foot on the rim of your tub and the other on a bath mat. Have your spouse s-l-o-w-l-y pull the mat away from the tub.<br><br>21. Completely fill your deck shoes with sand/pebbles and try to do the Macarina.<br><br>22. Turn the kitchen lights low enough so that food cannot be distinguished. Turn this into a game.<br><br>23. Light your grill using all the charcoal starter you can find at True Value. See how fast your house catches fire.<br><br>24. Attempt to pull a 2 ft wide tree trunk from the ground without appearing concerned.<br><br>[color:blue]Best,<br>Jeff Carlin<br>Bloomington, IN</font color=blue>

OH!!!! Enough! enough! I can't stand it anymore! I wish I had had this info the year before my first charter......and anchoring at Manchioneel Bay --"What do MEAN it's MY watch already!!!!!"<br><br>Helen<br><br>

Thanks a lot, Jeff, Mike, and Elaine. I had just about decided to try to learn how to sail so I too could enjoy the pleasures of bareboating in the BVI. But gone it, I believe you have convinced me to remain a landlubber. Hey someone has to keep the daysail operators in business. Ray and Laura in the Virgin Islands: for a day, for 2 weeks. Do you all have any more helpful tips? <br><br>[color:blue]Regards,</font color=blue><br><br>[color:blue]Ray Snow</font color=blue>

25. Beat yourself all over your body with a baseball bat to get the proper bruised sailing look.<br><br>26. Tape record loud and random noises to play at night so that you can wake up shouting "We're drifting!" and run onto your front porch to "check your mooring ball."<br><br>27. Turn off your air conditioner and close all your windows to simulate the random nightly showers.<br><br>28. Put your mattress UNDER your bedframe and crawl in there with your spouse.<br><br>29. Try parking your car without using your brakes. For added fun - give the gas pedal a good stomp befroe doing so.<br><br>30. Try getting to an unkown destination with a roadmap but without looking at any roadsigns along the way. <br><br><br><br><br><br>

Had to put in my .02 worth;<br><br>31. Place your refrigerator on its back side and place everything that you need on a daily basis in the bottom. Everything you don't need will be on the top of course.<br><br>32. When your best friend is in "your" bathroom stand just outside the door and "try" not to be embarassed. <br><br>33. When checking your car engines oil try doing it from UNDER the vehicle. <br><br>34. If an essential system in your house stops working fix it yourself, and spend 1/2 the day getting the parts, 1/2 the day installing said parts, 1/2 the day gettng the right parts! <br><br><br><br>Our April '01 Bareboat trip here....http://www.geocities.com/nbh4nh

Wow, not much room for addition here... and my stomach<br>hurts from laughing!<br><br>35. Before dinner, fill a tall glass with water. When dinner's over, use only that water to wash the dishes with. When done, use the leftover water for showering.<br><br>36. Leave a room humidifier running in your clothes closet; and each day add 1/4 cup water mixed with 1 T salt to your underwear drawer.<br><br>37. (addendum to #23): When lighting the grill, situate a large room fan so that it blows full-blast across the coals. Use only small kitchen matches for lighting.<br><br>38. Yell "ouch!" randomly during the day and night.<br><br>39. Get an old bicycle wheel and remove the tire/tube (save it for #40, next). Mount the wheel to a pedestal and leave it centered in the main entryway, inches from the front door. To calculate how many inches, measure your thigh at its thickest part and subtract 3.<br><br>40. Leave a flat bicycle tire, car tire, and bicycle pump in the bathroom. Everytime anyone flushes, they must fully inflate the bicycle tire. "#2" buys you the car tire. For good measure, place the bicycle pump no farther than two inches from the wall or some sharp corner.<br><br>41. Have your house rewired so that the kitchen oven dial also controls the house heat.<br><br>42. Before retiring for the evening, place the following under your bed:<br> - a recording of water sloshing;<br> - a space heater;<br> - a baking pan filled with warm, fragrant motor oil.<br><br><br>-dan<br><br><br><br><br><br><br>

Keep em coming!! These are so funny to read...I'm not going to make an addendum to add about the 5 inch long scar up my shin in a perfect crescent shape! (ouch!!!!! It will be a helluva a bareboating story one day, though)<br><br>I am also an avid snow-skiier, and have received similiar lists about skiing. These are so funny to create! A few of the skiing ones:<br>1. GO out and buy a $150 pair of ski gloves and immediately throw one away.<br>2. Put on all gear, including ski boots, and carry your skis and poles across an ice skating rink...randomly dropping different pieces of equipment, cursing out loud.<br>3. Take a $100 bill and throw it out.<br>4. Stand over a blender full of ice, without lid, and hit "grind" until the chipped ice has completely lacerated your face.<br><br>I can't remember the rest, but you all get the idea! These are a hoot to read! I love it! <br><br><br><br>

To get ready for the BVIs,<br><br>43. Buy 6 roosters that only sleep in the daytime. <br><br>

This is some wonderful stuff!<br><br>43. Park your car in a sloping grocery store lot in neutral with the brake off. Go get a bicycle and chase it down before it hits a building or other cars.<br>44. Put metal flag pole through your home at eye level. Walk around in the pitch dark and see how many times you can make it "bong" with your forehead.<br>45. Put a large coil of rope in a chair and attach the other end to your husbands car before he goes to work. Sit on the rope and kick back with a cold drink and a book and doze off.<br>46. Park your car by an open window. Have your neighbors rock the car violently and practice jumping into the driver's seat.<br>47. Throw your glasses and watch into a nearby pond at night. Go back the next morning and try to find them.<br>48. Set your lawn sprinkler to go on for 10 minutes 6 times a night outside your open bedroom window.<br><br>Bill H<br>Augusta, GA <br>bill@augustarealtor.com<br>

43. Go to a tanning bed and stay in for 1 hour, then go home, spread some rocksalt over your bed, and try to sleep.<br><br>44. Sleep with a garden sprinkler over your bed set on a timer to go off at 2:00 and again at 5:00.<br><br>45. To simulate the Dinghy experience, drive everywhere in first gear.<br><br>46. To simulate the yachting experience, drive everywhere in neutral.<br><br>47. When parking your car, don't use your brakes, just coast in with someone on your hood with a coathook attached to a broomhandle and grab a parking meter.<br><br>47a. Once stopped, do not use your parking break or put it in park, just tie the front bumper to the parking meter.<br><br>47b. On really windy days, tie off to parking meters from the bow and stern.<br><br>47c. If parking meters are not around, tie a rock to a length of rope and toss it off your hood.<br><br>47d. Buy a pickup truck and put a riding lawnmower in the back of it. When you go to the store, park your truck way in the back of the parking lot and ride the lawn mower all the way to the front door, and tie it up.<br><br>48. Take all showers on your back porch with a garden hose and Joy dishwashing liquid, then jump in the pool.<br><br>49. Refer to your shoes and golf shirt as your "Good" clothes.<br><br>50. Stop wearing underwear and wear only swimwear under your clothes.<br><br>60. Next time you go to Friday's or Applebees, call them on your CB Radio to make reservations from their parking lot.<br><br>60a. Once inside, walk behind the bar and fix yourself and your friends a few drinks.<br><br>60b. Before you leave, staple your underwear to the wall and your license plate to the ceiling.<br><br>61. Wave to everyone you drive by on the way to anywhere.<br><br>62. Steer your car with your feet.<br><br><br><br> <br><br>

You guys are very creative!!!! I haven't had a laugh like this in awhile<br><br>