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SXM Group Facebook Humor #222242
03/21/2020 10:25 AM
03/21/2020 10:25 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 6,796
Green Mountains
sxmmartini Offline OP
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sxmmartini  Offline OP
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SXM Naturism Facebook Group...

They said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store...
They lied, Everybody else had clothes on!

SXM Simply SXM Facebook Group...

Putting a drink in each room of my house today and calling it a Pub Crawl.


Humor is an antidote to isolation. Elizabeth Janeway
SXM Sponsors
Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: sxmmartini] #222244
03/21/2020 10:30 AM
03/21/2020 10:30 AM
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 15,233
Ohio
ruralcarrier Offline
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ruralcarrier  Offline
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Posts: 15,233
Ohio
And this is the same thing making the way around about every facebook page out there. SXM related or not.


J.D.
Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: sxmmartini] #222250
03/21/2020 10:44 AM
03/21/2020 10:44 AM
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 15,233
Ohio
ruralcarrier Offline
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ruralcarrier  Offline
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Posts: 15,233
Ohio
And since this is not directly related to SXM, it is going to People Talk to not take up space here for more important issues. It may have come from a SXM group but as I stated, it has been making the rounds for several days.
Thanks.


J.D.
Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: sxmmartini] #222255
03/21/2020 10:50 AM
03/21/2020 10:50 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 11,765
Auburn, WA
SXMScubaman Offline
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SXMScubaman  Offline
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Posts: 11,765
Auburn, WA
HaHaHa. Saw it on Facebook a couple days ago. Made me chuckle.

Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: sxmmartini] #222302
03/21/2020 03:39 PM
03/21/2020 03:39 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 6,796
Green Mountains
sxmmartini Offline OP
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sxmmartini  Offline OP
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Posts: 6,796
Green Mountains
This love song was cute...

https://youtu.be/-6KbS9y2KnI


Humor is an antidote to isolation. Elizabeth Janeway
Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: sxmmartini] #222333
03/21/2020 10:33 PM
03/21/2020 10:33 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 11,765
Auburn, WA
SXMScubaman Offline
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SXMScubaman  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 11,765
Auburn, WA
Ok.

Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: SXMScubaman] #222587
03/23/2020 03:05 PM
03/23/2020 03:05 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 6,796
Green Mountains
sxmmartini Offline OP
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sxmmartini  Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 6,796
Green Mountains


Humor is an antidote to isolation. Elizabeth Janeway
Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: SXMScubaman] #222759
03/25/2020 09:21 AM
03/25/2020 09:21 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 6,796
Green Mountains
sxmmartini Offline OP
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sxmmartini  Offline OP
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Posts: 6,796
Green Mountains
so you have no sense of humor...delete


Humor is an antidote to isolation. Elizabeth Janeway
Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: sxmmartini] #222776
03/25/2020 11:04 AM
03/25/2020 11:04 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 11,765
Auburn, WA
SXMScubaman Offline
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SXMScubaman  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 11,765
Auburn, WA
Quite the contrary. I do have a sense of humor.

Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: sxmmartini] #222923
03/26/2020 11:21 AM
03/26/2020 11:21 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 11,765
Auburn, WA
SXMScubaman Offline
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SXMScubaman  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 11,765
Auburn, WA
Saw this on Facebook.
"Heard a Dr. on TV saying in this time of Coronavirus staying at home we should focus on inner peace. To achieve this we should always finish things we start and we all could use more calm in our lives. I looked through my house to find things i'd started and hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiumun srciptuns, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how feckin fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum. And two hash yer wands, stafe day avrybobby!!! "

Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: SXMScubaman] #222924
03/26/2020 11:23 AM
03/26/2020 11:23 AM
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 71,218
Central Florida!
Carol_Hill Offline
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Carol_Hill  Offline
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Central Florida!
Now, that did give me a little chuckle..


Carol Hill
Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: Carol_Hill] #223013
03/27/2020 01:17 PM
03/27/2020 01:17 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 6,796
Green Mountains
sxmmartini Offline OP
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sxmmartini  Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 6,796
Green Mountains
Today's Drink Special: The Quarantini. 🍸It's just a regular martini but you drink it all alone in your cabin.


Humor is an antidote to isolation. Elizabeth Janeway
Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: sxmmartini] #223049
03/27/2020 07:06 PM
03/27/2020 07:06 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 11,765
Auburn, WA
SXMScubaman Offline
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SXMScubaman  Offline
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Posts: 11,765
Auburn, WA
Thought you might like a chuckle.
A baby can finish a bottle then go to sleep and they call it cute. If I was to drink a bottle and go to sleep I'd be called a drunk. Lol

Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: sxmmartini] #223344
03/31/2020 05:30 PM
03/31/2020 05:30 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 11,765
Auburn, WA
SXMScubaman Offline
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SXMScubaman  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 11,765
Auburn, WA
I never thought the comment
"I wouldn't touch him/her with a 6 foot pole" would become a national policy, but here we are.

Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: sxmmartini] #223413
04/01/2020 04:09 PM
04/01/2020 04:09 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 11,765
Auburn, WA
SXMScubaman Offline
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SXMScubaman  Offline
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Posts: 11,765
Auburn, WA
If you think it's bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people home schooled by day drinkers........

Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: SXMScubaman] #223478
04/02/2020 09:34 AM
04/02/2020 09:34 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 6,796
Green Mountains
sxmmartini Offline OP
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sxmmartini  Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 6,796
Green Mountains


Humor is an antidote to isolation. Elizabeth Janeway
Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: sxmmartini] #223487
04/02/2020 10:50 AM
04/02/2020 10:50 AM
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 71,218
Central Florida!
Carol_Hill Offline
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Carol_Hill  Offline
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Posts: 71,218
Central Florida!
Now, that was funny!!


Carol Hill
Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: Carol_Hill] #223647
04/03/2020 02:15 PM
04/03/2020 02:15 PM
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 15,233
Ohio
ruralcarrier Offline
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ruralcarrier  Offline
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Posts: 15,233
Ohio
Having some states locked down and others not locked down is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool!


J.D.
Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: ruralcarrier] #223656
04/03/2020 02:50 PM
04/03/2020 02:50 PM
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 71,218
Central Florida!
Carol_Hill Offline
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Carol_Hill  Offline
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Posts: 71,218
Central Florida!
laugh Good one!!


Carol Hill
Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: ruralcarrier] #223662
04/03/2020 03:31 PM
04/03/2020 03:31 PM
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 7,326
SXMWendell Offline
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SXMWendell  Offline
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I don't understand. Could you explain to me in detail?

Wendell

Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: SXMWendell] #223666
04/03/2020 04:01 PM
04/03/2020 04:01 PM
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 15,233
Ohio
ruralcarrier Offline
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ruralcarrier  Offline
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Posts: 15,233
Ohio
You think a rope divider might not work?


J.D.
Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: ruralcarrier] #223670
04/03/2020 05:06 PM
04/03/2020 05:06 PM
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 7,326
SXMWendell Offline
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SXMWendell  Offline
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It's worth a try. Just hope the installers aren't beer drinkers.

Wendell

Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: sxmmartini] #223678
04/03/2020 06:02 PM
04/03/2020 06:02 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 11,765
Auburn, WA
SXMScubaman Offline
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SXMScubaman  Offline
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Posts: 11,765
Auburn, WA
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

________________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....

_____________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...

________________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer.. Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

_____________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

________________________________

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back;
now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

_______________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......

______________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me

for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets

and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that

I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

And then the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........

________________________________

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

That's how the fight started.

________________________________

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
as a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.

Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: sxmmartini] #223857
04/05/2020 03:53 PM
04/05/2020 03:53 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 11,765
Auburn, WA
SXMScubaman Offline
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SXMScubaman  Offline
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Posts: 11,765
Auburn, WA
Was going to pay for my online order and said select method of payment.
Credit card
PayPal
Toilet Paper
grin

Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: SXMScubaman] #223867
04/05/2020 05:27 PM
04/05/2020 05:27 PM
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 71,218
Central Florida!
Carol_Hill Offline
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Carol_Hill  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 71,218
Central Florida!
Eric had to go to Lowe's today to buy a new kitchen faucet, which just died. Coming home, was able to score paper towels AND toilet paper at Dollar General!! wave What is this world coming to, that this is a cause for celebration??? duh


Carol Hill
Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: sxmmartini] #223951
04/06/2020 08:21 PM
04/06/2020 08:21 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 11,765
Auburn, WA
SXMScubaman Offline
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SXMScubaman  Offline
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Posts: 11,765
Auburn, WA
Put a couple of drinks in every room in the house. Now you can go bar hopping.😛

Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: sxmmartini] #223952
04/06/2020 08:37 PM
04/06/2020 08:37 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 11,765
Auburn, WA
SXMScubaman Offline
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SXMScubaman  Offline
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Posts: 11,765
Auburn, WA
I'm thinking about coming out of retirement and becoming a full time inhouse bartender. wave

Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: sxmmartini] #223992
04/07/2020 08:54 AM
04/07/2020 08:54 AM
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 49
Warwick, PA
K
KenNDeb Offline
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KenNDeb  Offline
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K
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 49
Warwick, PA
I was on a long line at 7:45 AM today at the supermarket that opened at 8 for seniors only.
A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.
He returned and tried to cut in again but an old guy punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.
As he approached the line for the third time he said "If you don't let me unlock the door, you'll never get in there."

Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: KenNDeb] #224002
04/07/2020 09:50 AM
04/07/2020 09:50 AM
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 71,218
Central Florida!
Carol_Hill Offline
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Carol_Hill  Offline
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Posts: 71,218
Central Florida!
KenNDeb--Hey, buddy, don't mess with us seniors! grin


Carol Hill
Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: KenNDeb] #224003
04/07/2020 09:51 AM
04/07/2020 09:51 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 6,796
Green Mountains
sxmmartini Offline OP
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sxmmartini  Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 6,796
Green Mountains
LOL


Humor is an antidote to isolation. Elizabeth Janeway
Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor [Re: KenNDeb] #224011
04/07/2020 10:54 AM
04/07/2020 10:54 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 11,765
Auburn, WA
SXMScubaman Offline
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SXMScubaman  Offline
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Good one.


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