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Time for a laugh with all this Covid stress #246840
02/07/2021 02:40 PM
02/07/2021 02:40 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 18,564
Auburn, WA
SXMScubaman Offline OP
Traveler
SXMScubaman  Offline OP
Traveler
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 18,564
Auburn, WA
The IRS decided to audit Grandpa, and summoned him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”
“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Grandpa. “How about a demonstration?”
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, “OK. Go ahead.”
Grandpa says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”
The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.”
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.
Grandpa says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”
The auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
“Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
“Are you OK?” the auditor asks.
“Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it.”
Don’t mess with old people!

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Re: Time for a laugh with all this Covid stress [Re: SXMScubaman] #247007
02/08/2021 09:25 PM
02/08/2021 09:25 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 18,564
Auburn, WA
SXMScubaman Offline OP
Traveler
SXMScubaman  Offline OP
Traveler
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 18,564
Auburn, WA
Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of the U.S. National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, told Joe Biden: "This morning, three Brazilian people died from Covid-19.”

The blood drained from Joe Biden’s face and, to everyone’s amazement, he collapsed on the floor.

Minutes passed and, to everyone’s relief, he got back up shakily and then sat back on his chair.

His staff was nothing less than stunned at this display of emotion from Joe Biden, nervously watching as he sat, head in hands.

Finally, Joe looked up and, with a shaky quivering voice, asked Dr. Fauci, "How many is a BRAZILIAN ?”

Re: Time for a laugh with all this Covid stress [Re: SXMScubaman] #247145
02/10/2021 09:19 AM
02/10/2021 09:19 AM
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 4,346
Rhode Island
RonDon Offline
Traveler
RonDon  Offline
Traveler
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 4,346
Rhode Island
That betting joke gave be a good and needed laugh. Thank you Scubaman.

Re: Time for a laugh with all this Covid stress [Re: RonDon] #247158
02/10/2021 10:21 AM
02/10/2021 10:21 AM
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 82,466
Central Florida!
Carol_Hill Offline
Traveler
Carol_Hill  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 82,466
Central Florida!
The betting joke wasn't in really poor taste, like the second one. Laughing about the death of even ONE person is not acceptable.


Carol Hill
Re: Time for a laugh with all this Covid stress [Re: SXMScubaman] #247411
02/12/2021 07:08 PM
02/12/2021 07:08 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 18,564
Auburn, WA
SXMScubaman Offline OP
Traveler
SXMScubaman  Offline OP
Traveler
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 18,564
Auburn, WA
I just fired myself from cleaning my house. I didn’t like my attitude ... and I got caught drinking on the job.

Re: Time for a laugh with all this Covid stress [Re: SXMScubaman] #248396
02/25/2021 03:41 PM
02/25/2021 03:41 PM
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 4,346
Rhode Island
RonDon Offline
Traveler
RonDon  Offline
Traveler
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 4,346
Rhode Island
Originally Posted by SXMScubaman
I just fired myself from cleaning my house. I didn’t like my attitude ... and I got caught drinking on the job.
Thanks for reminding me. I'll probably be fired too for drinking because with all the trouble I'm having filling out the EHAS form I'll need more than a double.

Re: Time for a laugh with all this Covid stress [Re: SXMScubaman] #249677
03/10/2021 07:38 PM
03/10/2021 07:38 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 18,564
Auburn, WA
SXMScubaman Offline OP
Traveler
SXMScubaman  Offline OP
Traveler
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 18,564
Auburn, WA
89 year old Ron Chester was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night.

Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

Ron replied, "That would be my wife.


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