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I'm more anxious with guests #320210
05/24/2024 04:28 PM
05/24/2024 04:28 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 309
Massachusetts USA
tmsxmsails Offline OP
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tmsxmsails  Offline OP
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My trip is coming up - my first trip with non-family crew - and I'm more anxious about it than I've ever been.

When it is just my wife and I, if sh!t hits the fan, we just roll with it like we do everything else but with actual guests, I'm feeling pressure.

I want to make sure we go to the right places, hit the right bars and restaurants, snorkel the right spots, win the boatyball lottery - ugh. Not to mention the usual concerns of not dragging an anchor and having good weather.

It's dumb - these folks are great friends and have assured me that they too will roll with anything that might come up but it's hard. It actually took me a long time to agree to this trip because of this very reason. I feel responsible for them enjoying their vacation and if something happens - bad weather, breakdown, whatever - I feel like I will have cost them money (I told them this and they promised me they won't hold anything against me).

Obviously, I can only control what I can control and as long as I don't do something stupid, it is what it is and I have to just deal with it. It's just an odd feeling because I don't normally feel this kind of angst. It almost, ever so slightly, puts a damper on my anticipation of the trip. I can't wait until it actually starts and I don't have to anticipate it any more. I'm sure I will relax and switch into "deal with it" mode and everything will be fine - I hope...

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Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: tmsxmsails] #320212
05/24/2024 04:50 PM
05/24/2024 04:50 PM
Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 427
Virgin Gorda, BVI
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VirginGordaResident Offline
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Virgin Gorda, BVI
Don't worry mon! You in da islands

Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: tmsxmsails] #320215
05/24/2024 05:08 PM
05/24/2024 05:08 PM
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 855
Redmond, WA
MrEZgoin Online content
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MrEZgoin  Online Content
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Redmond, WA
My wife and I usually have gone as a couple after our kids were grown. When we've had guests, it has certainly added to the stress and pressure a bit, but was also greatly fun and rewarding. Nothing keeps one's appreciation fresh as sharing it with others.

I advise not to make a lot of advance promises on itinerary details - don't accept a mindset that you are now obligated to tick off every item on the collective itinerary.

I will confess that we actually have paid the advance boatyball reservation fee in this situation, just to provide maximal flexibility.


M4000 "Lio Kai"
Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: tmsxmsails] #320220
05/24/2024 07:04 PM
05/24/2024 07:04 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 211
K
Kegoangoango Offline
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Your guests have never been on this type of vacation and will have great fun even if it’s unplanned locations and schedule. No need to worry. I’m guessing they’re generally not the complaining type or you wouldn’t have agreed to the trip.

Have a great trip.

Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: tmsxmsails] #320229
05/25/2024 12:14 AM
05/25/2024 12:14 AM
Joined: May 2022
Posts: 31
Earth. Occasionally above.
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Skytrucker Offline
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Earth. Occasionally above.
Tmsxmsails - I’m feeling the same anxiousness ahead of my trip, seems like for the same reasons- you’re right, control the controlable, especially the boat, and the rest will work itself out, “you in da islands, mon!”
Thanks for saying it out loud, and thanks for the replies!

My wife’s been telling me “it’ll be great no matter what, and they won’t know they’ve missed something if we end up somewhere different!”


-

There’s nothing, absolutely nothing, half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats.
Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: tmsxmsails] #320235
05/25/2024 08:16 AM
05/25/2024 08:16 AM
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 281
Chicago
trueblue Offline
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trueblue  Offline
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We rarely had guests who were not family, but we found that when we did, sending them off in the dinghy for a few hours was a great way to give them an adventure and us some much needed privacy!

Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: tmsxmsails] #320238
05/25/2024 08:25 AM
05/25/2024 08:25 AM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 2,445
Miramichi NB Canada
Sandsailsun Online content
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I was exactly like you and the others when having guests . We had a partnership in a 52 mono before Irma took her and would frequently bring family and friends.,one thing we always did was bring those who had either boating or camping experience and appreciated the conserve water, nothing in the heads etc etc. concepts.

If they are BVI newbies it is incredible to witness them seeing the magic of this place….that also makes it easier for you as the captain to change things up,based on weather , wind etc. they won’t really know what the plan A looks like.

We tried to get our guests involved by discussing the many roles on a boat and having them self assign. Galley for those who like to cook, dinghy captain , bartender , someone to make sure people drink enough water ,etc etc.

Discuss berth assignment ahead of time.

Have a kitty to which everyone contributes for things like mooring balls, ice etc.

Prep meals in the morning ahead to minimize time in galley underway or later in day.

There are a ton of fantastic tips on this site.

I always tell the ladies , don’t worry about make up, no hair dryers ,no heels allowed etc. half the clothes twice the money.

Share the weather apps with your guests and do some “what if “ scenarios . Have them study the charts and think about times and direction of the routes you plan.

Teach them all how to use the VHF. Do safety drills , etc.

I am a self proclaimed over planner and it helps make a trip better.,

Tell them all that on occasion the captain may use a stern tone and that means listen to me !

Most of all have FUN

Last edited by Sandsailsun; 05/25/2024 08:32 AM.

Kim

Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: tmsxmsails] #320243
05/25/2024 10:38 AM
05/25/2024 10:38 AM
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 96
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Harleyk Offline
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I've done the BVI have dozen times or more over last 20 years. Everytime, even the very first trip, we had guests. To this day, almost all of those guests say it's the best trip they've ever been on. This is what i do:

- I don't tell them any itinerary as i'm not alway positive as things can and will change. I know the spots I want to hit and the experience i want them to have.
- they all need to help with the charter, i.e. dingy, anchor, cooking........this makes them part of the journey, not just a guest. When it's their time to work, they go at it with pride.
- I like to get moving early in the morning. Sleepers can sleep and early risers can enjoy the mornings.

God tell us not to worry as it never helps, turn it over to Him and have a great time enjoying His creation.

Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: tmsxmsails] #320248
05/25/2024 12:57 PM
05/25/2024 12:57 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 309
Massachusetts USA
tmsxmsails Offline OP
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tmsxmsails  Offline OP
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Thanks everyone, for your comments. It's nice to know that others can feel the same things.

Quote
Your guests have never been on this type of vacation and will have great fun even if it’s unplanned locations and schedule. No need to worry. I’m guessing they’re generally not the complaining type or you wouldn’t have agreed to the trip.


Yeah, these guys are NOT the complaining type. We camp with them all the time and take other trips with them and have had many adventures along the way. I think the difference in this case is that I'm the expert. Nothing happens on this trip without me and everything hinges on me not screwing up. We have regaled them with the tales of our past trips (which got them excited to join us) and I became this all-knowing master seaman who can handle any situation. Now I have to put up or shut up. I can handle effing up in front of my wife. Losing face in front of my friends is another thing.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not losing sleep over this. It's really just a subtle feeling of a tiny bit of extra pressure - like it sounds like others have had. It does help to lay it out there though.

And alas, no, I can't turn this over to anyone's deity. Gotta man up and handle this myself.

Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: tmsxmsails] #320249
05/25/2024 02:04 PM
05/25/2024 02:04 PM
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 4,051
Buffalo, NY
LauraTheTshirtGal Offline
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I try to avoid giving expectations, everyone's experience is different and even a place like the Baths can be a let down depending on the day. I just have a mental list of places to go and when we get there (if we even get there) we just sort of roll with it. My newbie crew LOVED Anegada (some people hate it so I didn't "build it up" before) . The Baths was not a great experience when its crowded. We enjoyed Soggy and Foxy's for a bit but explored other stops on JVD, like Ali Babas. Willy T was a hit but it was a popping night and we had young folks, They LOVED the Blunder Bay restaurant with the pool but thought BEYC was meh. Cane Garden Bay was a hit for all but that's because over the years we have come to know many of the folks there which makes it "homey" for us and they got that vibe as well. They loved Smugglers and the island adventure to get there. Anyway point is I never said to them these things are "must do's" that's a sure fire way to jinx it!!

Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: tmsxmsails] #320266
05/25/2024 07:34 PM
05/25/2024 07:34 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 309
Massachusetts USA
tmsxmsails Offline OP
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tmsxmsails  Offline OP
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Ha! My problem is, we hyped it up before we even considered that we would end up taking them there!

The other issue is that the husband of the couple THROWs himself into researching every aspect of anything we do. It's freaking awesome when he finds out the best place to rent snowmobiles because they do this or that thing that the other places don't - or the perfect hotel in Canada that sits directly under the path of the eclipse. It's kind of ironic because I happily turn all that stuff over to him because he's so good at it.

For this trip I'm certain he has watched every single YouTube video on 1) picking up a mooring, 2) itineraries, 3) anchorages. To be clear, he doesn't do this to second guess me or to drive the decisions, he just truly enjoys immersing himself in new stuff and really likes to be prepared. I totally get it - it's what I do too and I think it's one of the reasons we are close friends. And it's great too because having done this immersion, he's going to be extremely handy to have on the boat. It's almost a little sad though that he's not going to be surprised by anything. Obviously, he can't get a feel for the FEELING of the place through those videos - and that's probably the best part anyway.

And Laura, I DO know at least one thing he will be surprised with - thanks to you; wink, wink :-)

Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: tmsxmsails] #320271
05/25/2024 08:01 PM
05/25/2024 08:01 PM
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 855
Redmond, WA
MrEZgoin Online content
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Redmond, WA
Hopefully, if he has done all that research he will also realize that on board a small boat everything is subject to the weather.

But I get it... we had a group of guests where JVD/White Bay ended up feeling like a "must deliver" and it added a bit of pressure.


M4000 "Lio Kai"
Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: tmsxmsails] #320284
05/26/2024 08:29 AM
05/26/2024 08:29 AM
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 281
Chicago
trueblue Offline
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Chicago
Just be sure s/he understands that you are the captain of the boat and as such are the one held responsible for all that happens. We used to include this reminder whenever we had guests aboard, especially the non sailors.

Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: tmsxmsails] #320286
05/26/2024 10:05 AM
05/26/2024 10:05 AM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 211
K
Kegoangoango Offline
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Kegoangoango  Offline
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Originally Posted by tmsxmsails
I totally get it - it's what I do too and I think it's one of the reasons we are close friends.


Enough said. You’ll be fine.

Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: tmsxmsails] #320326
05/27/2024 06:49 AM
05/27/2024 06:49 AM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 261
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steve74 Offline
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To be fair, we have never taken guests, but I would think that it would important to 1) make sure they sleep in comfortable spots and are well rested, 2) avoid packing in too much so the trip is relaxing, 3) read the group and adjust instead of going with a pre-determined plan, and 4) have plenty of coffee (mornings) and alcohol (rest of the day) available - assuming they drink these trip enhancers. cheers

Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: tmsxmsails] #320366
05/27/2024 06:16 PM
05/27/2024 06:16 PM
Joined: Dec 2018
Posts: 1,409
Washington DC
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bailau Offline
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Washington DC
I take first timers out all the time....and the angst is always there. Feeling it now for my JUN 22 trip

some thoughts

1) even if the trip is 25% as good as you expect it will be 100% awesome experience for your guests
2) In your captains briefing be clear this isnt Disney Land and this isnt a democracy. If i ask you to do or not do something you need to listen to me. There is one captain
3) I will start with a float plan and have never finished with the same starting float plan.
4) in my post trip briefing I always ask the following: what would you do differantly, what would you skip, and what was your favorite thing about the trip. Differantly is they always wish they had some more time so dont try to rush through it all
5) We (I) will be judged by our anchoring and ability to catch a mooring ball accurately and efficiently. I need 2 of you to do this every time.
6) I send every couple the Scotts book and tell them to look through so you know what to expect although dont get caught up on something you have to see as you cant see it all.
7) Everyone does a little so no one has to do a lot

Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: tmsxmsails] #320367
05/27/2024 06:51 PM
05/27/2024 06:51 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 261
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steve74 Offline
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Rob, those are great - especially Number 7!

Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: tmsxmsails] #320377
05/27/2024 10:32 PM
05/27/2024 10:32 PM
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 943
Georgia & South Carolina
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Deepcut Offline
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Georgia & South Carolina
There are plenty of things to see and do in a 2-3 week trip.. Thus in 1 week, you are not going to see or do it all... That will be the next trip.

Have crew help with menu and provisioning. Each couple take a meal for dinner and you will likely eat out the other nights. Remember the grill is small so filets are preferred over big ribeyes!

Get them involved in helm, mooring. planning next day.

Sharing with friends is a great trip that all will talk about for years. Relaxing with just family is a different trip, also fun,

At planning parties, find out what 3-4 things they most want to do and try to hit the top ones. However this may change at the last minute.(Never visit Baths when cruise ship is there. Go early (Before 9, or late (after 3:00) or another day.
I had planned a special birthday for "Grandpa" at Coca Maya but on that day, with the grandkids, the request was made to switch to Michael Beans Pirate Show (Arrrr Memories made which made his day).

And Roll with the punches.

OH, If you have not done it yet, have everyone send you a copy of their Passport Photo Page (Check the dates!!! More than once Ithey discovered they needed to get passport expedited !


Wes
s/v Sea Tiger (2022 Lagoon 46)
www.BareBoatBVI.com

Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: tmsxmsails] #320388
05/28/2024 10:10 AM
05/28/2024 10:10 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 970
Middleburg, VA
cwoody Offline
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Our Itineraries are always flexible and subject to the wind.
I like to do a couple of two-night stays, especially North Sound and Anegada.
This gives the crew time to " do their own thing" if they choose.
I usually promise my first timers that every day will be better than the last.
Not hard to accomplish this in the BVI !


Chuck W.

Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: tmsxmsails] #320399
05/28/2024 12:53 PM
05/28/2024 12:53 PM
Joined: Dec 2018
Posts: 1,409
Washington DC
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bailau Offline
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scroll down to the 4th cartoon here...this pretty much describes it

"Excuse me captain..."

https://www.thefarside.com/comic-collections/753/trouble-brewing-may2024

Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: tmsxmsails] #320406
05/28/2024 03:17 PM
05/28/2024 03:17 PM
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 146
Folsom Lake, CA
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Latadjust Offline
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Folsom Lake, CA
All good stuff. I always intend and sometimes remember to emphasize that when docking, don't jump nor even step off boat onto the dock until I tell them to.

Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: tmsxmsails] #320434
05/29/2024 10:55 AM
05/29/2024 10:55 AM
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 4,051
Buffalo, NY
LauraTheTshirtGal Offline
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Oh ha! Awesome and I didn't connect your TTOL handle until now lol ...hopefully your buddy doesn't stumble across this page in his research LOL!

Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: tmsxmsails] #321060
06/12/2024 08:09 PM
06/12/2024 08:09 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 309
Massachusetts USA
tmsxmsails Offline OP
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tmsxmsails  Offline OP
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Massachusetts USA
The shirts were a hit Laura! Thanks again!

Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: tmsxmsails] #321410
06/20/2024 09:40 AM
06/20/2024 09:40 AM
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 1,083
Maryland, US
gordapeak Offline
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We did this a few years ago, and frankly it did NOT work! The couple, who we knew very well (not well enough), did not "fit in". Gave them a copy of the cruising guide, told them to watch "Captain Ron", all preventatives. Sunsail 444 cat, comfortable, sailed to Leverick first day. They had the beach barbecue that night. After getting back to the boat, the husband started what would be a nightly routine - approached me on the tram. "She really is uncomfortable with the whole dinghy thing, could we please dock from here on out?" Of course, my answer was "Nope - no docks from here on out". Day two was her birthday, so I thought it'd be a real treat to do lobster on the beach at Wonky Dog - NOPE! "She didn't like eating outside, can we pick restaurants with AC from here on out?". You see ant places with windows? NOPE! Day three - Corsairs on JVD, chatted with friends, really great dinner - you guessed it, "Hey, I know you're friends, but Vinny is ripping you off - that meal was WAY overpriced!". At this point I quit and just had fun. A week after we got back, hubby told me that it had been "interesting", but they would not be doing it again - like I was going to ask? You do your best, but some folks will not get it - don't take it personally.


"Confidentially, I've had these problems with the tides before"

Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: tmsxmsails] #321411
06/20/2024 09:53 AM
06/20/2024 09:53 AM
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,694
Memphis, BVI, CT
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RatmansWife Offline
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Our neighbors say you know you're in trouble when you invite someone down and their first question is, "What is there to do?" You can read, go for a walk, enjoy the scenery... It is not an amusement park.

Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: gordapeak] #321440
06/21/2024 04:49 AM
06/21/2024 04:49 AM
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 4,020
U.K. and Spain
Jeannius Offline
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gordapeak... Could have been worse. Imagine being married to her. eek

Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: gordapeak] #321443
06/21/2024 07:08 AM
06/21/2024 07:08 AM
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 7,126
GA/NC
GeorgeC1 Online content
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GeorgeC1  Online Content
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Originally Posted by gordapeak
We did this a few years ago, and frankly it did NOT work! The couple, who we knew very well (not well enough), did not "fit in". Gave them a copy of the cruising guide, told them to watch "Captain Ron", all preventatives. Sunsail 444 cat, comfortable, sailed to Leverick first day. They had the beach barbecue that night. After getting back to the boat, the husband started what would be a nightly routine - approached me on the tram. "She really is uncomfortable with the whole dinghy thing, could we please dock from here on out?" Of course, my answer was "Nope - no docks from here on out". Day two was her birthday, so I thought it'd be a real treat to do lobster on the beach at Wonky Dog - NOPE! "She didn't like eating outside, can we pick restaurants with AC from here on out?". You see ant places with windows? NOPE! Day three - Corsairs on JVD, chatted with friends, really great dinner - you guessed it, "Hey, I know you're friends, but Vinny is ripping you off - that meal was WAY overpriced!". At this point I quit and just had fun. A week after we got back, hubby told me that it had been "interesting", but they would not be doing it again - like I was going to ask? You do your best, but some folks will not get it - don't take it personally.


I like Vinny as well, however his Pizza’s are getting up there!

Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: tmsxmsails] #321444
06/21/2024 07:47 AM
06/21/2024 07:47 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 309
Massachusetts USA
tmsxmsails Offline OP
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tmsxmsails  Offline OP
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Massachusetts USA
I wrote up a report elsewhere but the trip went GREAT! My buddy was awesome on the foredeck and they (and we) loved the trip. My fears were unfounded.

Re: I'm more anxious with guests [Re: tmsxmsails] #321464
06/21/2024 11:54 AM
06/21/2024 11:54 AM
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 827
San Diego, CA
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gjconsult Offline
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gordapeak - OMG! I did have one guest who got kind of seasick and we had to stop every night somewhere where he could go onshore and get a room. I couldn't relate


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