Forums39
Topics39,176
Posts317,620
Members26,630
|
Most Online3,676 Yesterday at 01:00 PM
|
|
16 registered members (Whale Tail, kaba, SXMScubaman, Tom, Manpot, Billtjw, JeanneB, Kmon, Call_me_Ishmael, cabokid, Fletch, 5 invisible),
3,192
guests, and 328
spiders. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor
[Re: sxmmartini]
#222244
03/21/2020 10:30 AM
03/21/2020 10:30 AM
|
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 17,763 Ohio
ruralcarrier
Traveler
|
Traveler
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 17,763
Ohio
|
And this is the same thing making the way around about every facebook page out there. SXM related or not.
J.D.
|
|
|
Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor
[Re: sxmmartini]
#222250
03/21/2020 10:44 AM
03/21/2020 10:44 AM
|
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 17,763 Ohio
ruralcarrier
Traveler
|
Traveler
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 17,763
Ohio
|
And since this is not directly related to SXM, it is going to People Talk to not take up space here for more important issues. It may have come from a SXM group but as I stated, it has been making the rounds for several days. Thanks.
J.D.
|
|
|
Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor
[Re: sxmmartini]
#222923
03/26/2020 11:21 AM
03/26/2020 11:21 AM
|
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 19,198 Auburn, WA
SXMScubaman
Traveler
|
Traveler
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 19,198
Auburn, WA
|
Saw this on Facebook. "Heard a Dr. on TV saying in this time of Coronavirus staying at home we should focus on inner peace. To achieve this we should always finish things we start and we all could use more calm in our lives. I looked through my house to find things i'd started and hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiumun srciptuns, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how feckin fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum. And two hash yer wands, stafe day avrybobby!!! "
|
|
|
Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor
[Re: Carol_Hill]
#223647
04/03/2020 02:15 PM
04/03/2020 02:15 PM
|
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 17,763 Ohio
ruralcarrier
Traveler
|
Traveler
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 17,763
Ohio
|
Having some states locked down and others not locked down is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool!
J.D.
|
|
|
Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor
[Re: SXMWendell]
#223666
04/03/2020 04:01 PM
04/03/2020 04:01 PM
|
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 17,763 Ohio
ruralcarrier
Traveler
|
Traveler
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 17,763
Ohio
|
You think a rope divider might not work?
J.D.
|
|
|
Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor
[Re: sxmmartini]
#223678
04/03/2020 06:02 PM
04/03/2020 06:02 PM
|
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 19,198 Auburn, WA
SXMScubaman
Traveler
|
Traveler
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 19,198
Auburn, WA
|
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
________________________________
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
_____________________________
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
________________________________
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
_____________________________
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
________________________________
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
_______________________________
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
______________________________
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me
for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets
and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that
I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'
And then the fight started...
________________________________
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started........
________________________________
I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
That's how the fight started.
________________________________
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.
|
|
|
Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor
[Re: sxmmartini]
#223857
04/05/2020 03:53 PM
04/05/2020 03:53 PM
|
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 19,198 Auburn, WA
SXMScubaman
Traveler
|
Traveler
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 19,198
Auburn, WA
|
Was going to pay for my online order and said select method of payment. Credit card PayPal Toilet Paper
|
|
|
Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor
[Re: SXMScubaman]
#224327
04/10/2020 01:37 PM
04/10/2020 01:37 PM
|
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 263
Shelby2
Traveler
|
Traveler
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 263
|
|
|
|
Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor
[Re: SXMScubaman]
#224346
04/10/2020 02:08 PM
04/10/2020 02:08 PM
|
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 83,601 Central Florida!
Carol_Hill
Traveler
|
Traveler
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 83,601
Central Florida!
|
Scubaman--not sure ANYONE is in good spirits these days, but so far we are healthy at least.
Carol Hill
|
|
|
Re: SXM Group Facebook Humor
[Re: Carol_Hill]
#224381
04/10/2020 10:09 PM
04/10/2020 10:09 PM
|
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 19,198 Auburn, WA
SXMScubaman
Traveler
|
Traveler
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 19,198
Auburn, WA
|
Another one for you Carol. I expect we can all relate to at least a couple. Day 1 – I Can Do This!! Got enough food and wine to last a month! Day 2 – Opening my 8th bottle of Wine. I fear wine supplies might not last! Day 3 – Strawberries: Some have 210 seeds, some have 235 seeds. Who Knew?? Day 4 – 8:00PM. Removed my Day Pajamas and put on my Night Pajamas. Day 5 – Today, I tried to make Hand Sanitizer. It came out as Jello Shots!! Day 6 – I get to take the Garbage out. I’m So excited, I can’t decide what to wear. Day 7 – Laughing way too much at my own jokes!! Day 8 – Went to a new restaurant called “The Kitchen”. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have No clue how this place is still in business. Day 9 – I put liquor bottles in every room. Tonight, I’m getting all dressed up and going Bar hopping. Day 10 – Struck up a conversation with a Spider today. Seems nice. He’s a Web Designer. Day 11 – Isolation is hard. I swear my fridge just said, “What the hell do you want now?” Day 12 – I realized why dogs get so excited about something moving outside, going for walks or car rides. I think I just barked at a squirrel. Day 13 – If you keep a glass of wine in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face. Day 14 – Watched the birds fight over a worm. The Cardinals lead the Blue Jays 3–1. Day 15 – Anybody else feel like they’ve cooked dinner about 395 times this month?
|
|
|
|