SXM Joslinsrock! Folks – It’s A wrap!

Well folks, Want to know the amazing thing. I’ve been back a month. 30 days. 30 nights. How depressing huh. I promised a wrap-up reports several times, so here we go.



First and Foremost, if you did not read my blog, please feel free to skip this, go to: http://joslinsrock.blogspot.com/ and read from the bottom up. According to my wife, it’s good for a laugh. According to everyone else, I should be committed!

Secondly, If you don’t like me, my blog, my writing, or my opinions, can I please ask a favor?

Don’t log in, flame away, hide behind the anonymous attribute that Carol, and Eric (I hope I spelled that right) give you, and fire away! Please read every single word, comment away, and exercise your right to free speech! Thank those who make that possible, from our moderators to our troops, and know that I thrive in the fact that I just wasted your time.. haha.. I promise I’ll respond, and worry about if you like me, a lot.. haha. Imagine the power I have, in making you continue to read, comment etc. against your will. You may NOT skip the post. I have more power over you than the guy on the freeway who cut me off… BAHH HAHH HAHH!!!

<Medicine kicks in>

So why’s it been a month.. Partially I wanted to see what “stuck out” a month later. Decide what I liked, disliked, what I wished I’d done, which naturally becomes the “TO-DO” for next time. I’m sure no one feels like that.

My 500th Post
I’m afraid I’m not giving away any photos for my 500th post, but it did dawn on me that someone would have to be pretty obsessed to hit 500 posts since March -06. WOW. My wife reminds me that if I’d write for a living, I could turn words into cash.. I reminded her that I could also turn our house into a double-wide.

1). How long is that statute of limitations? I may have to tone down some of the discussions here. haha.

Did I mention that BBQ Flavored Cheezits suck?
I’m sure I’m on my way to getting sued, but WOW, they sucked! You know it’s only my opinion, and I’m sure here comes the letters from the IBBQFCLA (International BBQ Cheezit Lovers association) attorneys.. You know a snack sucks when a 6 and 8 year old ask to put a handful of them BACK into the box. You also know they suck, when, upon reaching your 6th Carib, hanging in paradise, you find yourself dangling your leg off the side of your chair, and slowly circling your toe in the sand, and your wife comments how awesome this is, and she then realizes you are really just burying those Damn Cheezits!

I digress.



What I liked
We printed a simple spreadsheet and challenged the kids. We turned the entire 15 days into a contest, complete with prizes. It was called “Who can see the most beaches.” I made mistake of mentioning to the kids that there were 37 beaches on St Martin, not counting other islands we were planning on seeing. After convincing them we weren’t going to see them all, we picked 18 as the magic number. On a daily basis, we wrote the beaches we saw, the impressions, and what we liked about them. It hangs in my office now.

Probably my greatest memory, and hopefully that of the kids, was the day we got back, and wrote in the 19th beach.. I actually cried. But then, I’m a big baby. Just ask anyone who saw “CARS” with me…

I ran into TTOL totally by coincidence. I was researching airfares with the idea of going back to the USVI for a couple of weeks. After selling our company, I had the time to burn, and of course closets and closets full of cash (just ask my wife). I saw airfare to St Martin (St MAARTEN, Saint Martiin, Sint Marteen). Had not heard much about the island, other than the fact that they couldn’t seem to spell it consistently, or know who was in charge..

Googling it led me to TTOL. A friendly group of obsessed peoples who go to this island time and time again.. At first, I was surprised, as I’m not the Timeshare type, not the type that goes to the same place year after year. The more I read trip reports, and the more I chatted with the people who make this site great, the more obsessed I got.

So 84 pages later, I am reminded as I file away my notebook, that I have collected enough info that I actually recognized places as I drove to Unity, Pelican, etc. I actually got lost once, looking for Happy Bay, but we’ve workd that out for next time.

So, I liked the fact that I spent 15 days within 100 yards of a casino, and never set foot in it. Sounds easy, but that’s about the equivalent of keeping a bear from honey.. Sweet Sweet blackjack.. Blood in my veins.. I found plenty else to do, and there are casinos elsewhere.. Most who know me have now feinted.







For gosh sake, please please please don’t let more than one Joslin family member visit this island at the same time. The family motto is that “getting more than one Joslin in the same room lowers the collective IQ of the entire room.” The repercussion of getting KJ, Richard, Jon and heck, even Paul down there would be felt economically for years to come… (How big is that new prison?).

Imagine vast shortages of Carib (or is it CARE-ib, or Cara-B, or CA-rib). I’m not sure those 7 oz bottles of Heiniken could support the habits of my extended family. (not to mention those MASSIVE hands). I actually imagine the worst part of that trip would be the hundreds of innocent people, hanging out in bathtubs, with their livers removed, and lipstick on the mirror..

I loved Creole Rock. Going from there to Grand Case and Calmos Café on the Golden Eagle Friday Sail was excellent. I renamed Creole Rock to Ryan Rock, since I had done Remy the honor of naming a reef after her back in the Virgin Islands (OK it was a guilt trip after I ripped her tooth out, sending it to Davy Jones Locker).

I spent the next three days changing all the maps I ran across, especially in other people’s hands. Boy are some people sensitive. Don’t they know it’s vacation?). Relax mon’.



Random thoughts from USVI Blog from “Remy Reef” Incident:
Bloody Teeth are way better than handfuls of engorged oatmeal vomit. But that’s another story.

I like the number of people who think St Martin is the smallest island in the world to be split between two countries. I heard this like 137 times while doing research. Despite what you may Google; it is NOT the smallest Island in the world to be divided into two sovereign countries. To be pedantic, at 34 Sq Miles, it’s not even in the top ten.

To Linda and Bob, Rick and Karen. It was great meeting you. These were the first of many people we shared our experiences with (I want my wallet back!). I had never just run into people form the internet before, and it seems to be habit with people from this site. It’s cool.

Funny how when at home I track someone down as to where they are going to be, show up at the same time, and try to have drinks with them, they call it “STALKING”, and TTOL calls it a party! My kind of people!

Beat the clock at Bamboo Bernie’s, and Jimbo’s are on my list of things I’ll definitely do next time. Jimbo and I had a great conversation about owning restaurants, and it was a great environment for the kids.

Two things we didn’t do were Stay out very late, and Eat at the Gourmand Restaurants. It’s just not that compatible when you are running with a 6 and 8 year old for 14 hours a day..

However, I am so bringing my babysitter next time. I joked about that first with my wife, who said hell yes, then with my babysitter, a 20 year old nursing student we may adopt, we like her that much (go Katie!). So Katie, you may fail your classes this year, and if not, a quick phone call to the Dean at the end of the semester will make you ours again next summer!

Craig/Bob at Packlite has a good thing going.. I could only hope the new airport would have a couple of booths in the parking lot for young businessmen like this.. Aww renting chairs to tourists.. Why did I not think of this.

Reminds me of being 10 years old in Key West, a long time ago selling “laughing” coconuts to tourists for $1 to $5, depending on what they would pay. We’d go to Southernmost point (a sign back then, not a concrete marker), and offer them to tourist, who loved the “little native boys” selling coconuts with a gag-laughing box hidden in the wagon. Some would even buy them, give them back, and buy them again! Suckers…

To Craig. You provide a much better service, and your chairs don’t even laugh. Seriously though, I have an idea for an addition to your collection of rental items.. BOX FANS. They’re $10 each here at Walmart, and a lot of people love them.

I’m even willing to buy a dozen or two of them, bring them down for you, and deliver them. In exchange for a plane ticket. Or maybe chairs for life.

Moving on. Unity rocks! Michael spent 5-10 minutes just circling things on the map, and it was our guide for the 15 days. I’ll bring it back next time I’m sure.
Why are there no online maps to SXM? It was the weirdest thing, that I saw hundreds of links back to the same 4 maps, all of which were lame. Haha.

Some of the other observations of the island. People recognize you (not just the Post Office, Creepy guys from the park kind of recognize you either). I ran into Jimbo later near his restaurant, and he called me by name. Good touch. Attention to detail. It was amazing when OTHER people recognize you. Jim E on the Lambata on a Sunday night sunset cruise put the pieces together, and asked my wife how old the kids were, and if we were form Texas. There’s a good sense of community on the island. It was good to meet more TTOL people.


Beware the Heniken are 10 Oz here. I thought I was Growing Massive hands! That was scary for a bit.



SXM has some of the best beach sand I have ever seen, INCLUDING MOODY GARDENS AND GALVESTON.

FLASH News from sailing, and this seems to go for ALL the charter companies..

These companies seem to be very sensitive to their schedule, and leaving early… Especially when the captain is still at the Port Authority office.

Things I wished I knew before that morning:
1). Cats turn faster when they are at higher speed than slower speed. By cats I mean Catamarans, not the felines that some people think they own :
2). This is NOT true in the harbor, where space is very limited.
3). In the battle of 65’ CAT Versus 9’ Rhino Runner, take the cat at any odds.
4). I may now be banned in the 38th place.
5). Regardless of the fact that it is not technically part of the United States, the good governor of SXM seems to be able to be fairly insistant on point #4.

What I didn’t like

I truly truly missed RNTLLs during my time on the island. Not rentals, But RNTLLs (Anyone who commutes can empathize with the small games we play so as to not wrap our lovely cars around a post by falling asleep at the wheel).

My favorite game during my commute is naming the personalities of the people who piss me off. RNTLLs of course, are RED NECK, TRUCK, LEFT LANE. Don‘t have enough of them on the island. For that matter, where are the left lanes? PS. If I just pissed you off, you may be a RNTLL. My advice is, pull out of the left lane, I swear it’s not a [censored] thing. It’s not like pulling out. Just move over. It’s a lane change, not a slap with a glove.

Much as I missed them, it seems that People are WAY sensitive when you drive on the left in SXM. Certainly not like the Virgin Islands, where they not only allowed it, they encouraged it!.

I did like the traffic circles, even though everyone but me used them wrong. I’m sorry, Circles go CLOCKWISE!! And after about 50 revolutions, WOW mahi-vomit looks bad!

Speaking of which I thought the ride to Timtamarre could have been a bit smoother. We sailed Golden Eagle, who couldn’t even dodge the waves that tossed the boat about. Seems like when people spend good hard-earned money they should not have to deal with waves.. Can someone tell me who I should be writing? Our Boat trip on Tintamarre Brings back memories of Virgin Islands, where we proved that a the scientific fact that a 6 year old can turn 1 cup of oatmeal into three cups of Vomit! That was BEFORE we set foot on the boat.

Note to Self: Excessive use of word Vomit invites anonymous flaming, and reduces enjoyment of story. Consider curbing use of word from here forward.

<Insert vomit picture here>

Shy is not a word that anyone who has run across me would describe as with. so after having several conversations with the COLE BAY OVERLOOK religious people, can someone explain to me exactly what they are? Or stand for? I read the sign, but for the life of me, I can’t explain them, or what they stand for.. I guess that having their view and living rent free makes them the smart ones!



Note to self: Set up booth on Orient Beach, Act such that noone will ask you to leave. Live….

A lousy SXM Haiku - By Jon Joslin
Amateurs can rent boats,
Any time,
They shouldn’t.
Believe it or not, I’m not talking about us!


Upon Leaving:

Hey, the White zone is for loading and unloading only. Hopscotch falls into neither category, and pisses off people who take their jobs VERY seriously. Not to mention, it embarrasses your kids, even at 6 and 8.

Security has gotten serious since I left the island. I’m not sure the “Blind Woman Who did not know she was blind” stunt on the Denver-Orlando run of December 2004 (Ask my sister) would fly on planes these days. They seem to have lost their sense of humor.

There is absolutely NO joking while clearing customs back into the United States from St Martin.

You’ll be happy to hear, that even I am not so dumb as to mess with that.


Thoughts of a first time nudist:

It’s not easy being a first time nudist. I’m not admitting anything, but did want to share some random thoughts of a small part of my trip.

Note to self: Never use small in sentence regarding nudity.

OH my god there’s the sign, I saw that online. There it is.



I’m walking right at it, I know people won’t believe but I am going to walk right past it.

5-4-3-2-1 Freeze.
Ok, that was easy. I’m ON THE OTHER SIDE of the sign.
Oops, FULLY DRESSED, no wonder they are all looking

Ok, maybe the tux is to much.

I’m taking off my SHIRT!!! (wow yelling that sure makes people nervous).
Ok, here goes.. PREPARE
To UNLEASH
The beast!

EVERYONE IS LOOKING!
They can’t believe I have done it! I now walk proudly down the beach!

EVERYONE IS LOOKING!

DA DA DONNNNEE!

WHAT?
WOW is it cold out here?
Hey, was I in the water?
That’s not all of it? Where’s the rest..
<Turns slightly, covering region with soggy bathing suit, tugs gently>
MUCH BETTer.. What?
HEY he’s 70, bigger than….
Hey, why am I glancing at 70…
What if that wasn’t a glance
What happened to my …

ARGHHHHH EVERONE IS LOOKING.
I’ll head for the water.
Water = Cold = Costanza flashbacks = shrinkage
What?

NO ONE is looking

NO ONE Cares.

What I missed and will do in the future
Fort in Marigot, the kids were going crazy, but the pictures I have seen from up there look great.

Anguilla (for all the work that AXAROB put into telling me about PYRAT), we were just having so much fun, we cancelled a day trip to Anguilla at the last minute. After sseeing SABA and feeling like we didn’t do the island justice, I think I’ll add a couple days in Anguilla next time we go over. Anyone know of any golf courses over there?


For the most part, from Maho Bay, Baie Longue, and all the way over to Anse Marcel, we found your typical, run of the mill, beautiful Caribbean paradise beaches. They were so banal that we were barely able to choke down 4-8 hours a day of this.

Good Idea from yesterday and today:
$12 of Dramimine and Bonine is a great investment in the Islands. PS, MY wife hates Bonine, and would rather puke.

After 15 14 hour days, you can still yearn to go back.

So will I?

Despite having a desire to see NEVIS, ST KITTS, and ARUBA, I think I’m going back for 2 weeks in June next year. I may try to sneak in one of the others during spring break.

If anyone can suggest reason for or against the others, I think I’ll open a thread on the subject.

Thanks to everyone who (positively) contributes to this site. It’s become quite an obsession. So for Carol, Eric, AXAROB, BIGDENX, BILLANDLAURIE, Peconic, BRUCE, Zippity, jmbcomms, augie, Ruralcarrier, BeaconHillandrea, Sca2la, Contessa, Cuznvin, Gunner, BOB!, and all the other people I just pissed off by forgetting to list them, thanks. Thanks for all that makes this and the island a great place. And to those who anonymously flame the people who make this a great place, … bite me.

Anyone wanting to contribute to the “SEND JON TO SXM TO WRITE FOR A LIVING” fund, please contact my wife!



-Jon

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